Blogs 4 Brownback

August 10, 2007

Woodwinds are the Instruments of Satan

American Pie Flute GirlAnyone who has had the misfortune of having certain friends show them a scene or two from the awful “American Pie” movies knows that musical instruments can be used in Satanic ways. Corroboration for this statement can be found in jazz music. But more importantly, it can also be found in Scripture.

Woe unto those who rise early in the morning, that they may pursue strong drink, who tarry late into the night till wine inflames them! They have lyre and harp, tambourine and flute and wine at their feasts, but they do not regard the deeds of the Lord, neither do they consider the operation of His hands [in mercy and in judgment]. (Isaiah 5:11-12)

3Therefore My heart moans and sighs for Moab like flutes, and My heart moans and sighs like flutes for the men of Kir-heres (Kir-hareseth); therefore [the remnant of] the abundant riches they gained has perished.(Jeremiah 48:36; clearly, the penchant of the Moabites for flute music is a major cause of their undoing)

And when Jesus came to the ruler’s house and saw the flute players and the crowd making an uproar and din, He said, Go away. (Matthew 9:23-24)

If even inanimate musical instruments, such as the flute or the harp, do not give distinct notes, how will anyone [listening] know or understand what is played? (1 Corinthians 14:7)

2And the sound of harpists and minstrels and flute players and trumpeters shall never again be heard in you, and no skilled artisan of any craft shall ever again be found in you, and the sound of the millstone shall never again be heard in you (Revelations 18:22)

Obviously, God does not want us listening to flute music. Flutes and other woodwinds are horrible instruments. They entice us to sin with their wistful tunes, but their shape and manner of play is clearly phallic and strongly implies fellatio or other unnatural acts of Sodomy.

In opera music, woodwinds tend to introduce pastoral, rustic scenes- the perfect setting for rural fornication, and also a metaphor for the expulsion from Heaven and the introduction to Outer Darkness. Clearly, Satan operates through the flute.

One would naturally hope that President Brownback will take concrete steps to keep woodwind instruments out of our public high schools. Warning labels should also be attached to music containing saxophones, flutes, or other instruments that require the touching of the lips. However, the moonbat music industry will undoubtedly combat these measures. We must all gird ourselves for the greatest moral struggle of the Brownback Administration.

127 Comments »

  1. You guys should work to make this Brownback’s primary issue. With him sponsoring this idea, there’s no WAY he can lose!

    Comment by Brandon Explosion — August 10, 2007 @ 8:35 am | Reply

  2. I think we need to start shooting jazz musicians in the head. They’re no better than homosexuals and Islamists. All of them are working to destroy America.

    Comment by Marcia P. — August 10, 2007 @ 8:54 am | Reply

  3. There is no instrument as vulgar or profane as the flute. With today’s modern technology, the sounds can be reproduced perfectly so there is no need for anyone to hold anything with that silhouette up to their lips.

    Another brilliant post, Brother Sisyphus. I’ve come to expect nothing less from you, dear.

    Vote Sam Brownback in 2008 because Jesus wants you to.

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — August 10, 2007 @ 9:11 am | Reply

  4. Mrs T.D. Gaines-Crokett:

    On behalf of my 18 year-old neice, who has been playing the flute since she was in Jr. High, let me just say: GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!

    Comment by indyandy — August 10, 2007 @ 10:04 am | Reply

  5. Finally Browbback takes a stand against the woodwinds. He’s got my vote.

    Brownback 2008!! Pray with us for victory!!

    Comment by Nate — August 10, 2007 @ 10:08 am | Reply

  6. This Brownback guy is a real Jerk. I run a music store in Iowa and guess who I won’t vote for tomorrow?

    Comment by Lisa — August 10, 2007 @ 10:17 am | Reply

  7. Lisa,

    Are you held by the short hairs by Satan that tightly that you can not see the depravity you enable with your store? Many thousands of young, innocent school children have been seduced into debauching themselves on the playthings of Satan you sell. God only knows how many of them will be end up in Hell for this but the possibilities make the blood run cold. It all that damnation worth the money you made?

    Please think of these words and pray to Jesus for guidance Lisa. No one needs to end up polishing Satan’s knob in hell because of a flute.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — August 10, 2007 @ 10:40 am | Reply

  8. HOW DARE YOU! Disgusting pigs. If I ever see Brownback step one foot in my state he will regret it. He might just get a flute rammed up is self righteous rear end.

    DO NOT PRAY FOR ME PRAY FOR YOURSELF.

    Comment by Lisa — August 10, 2007 @ 10:48 am | Reply

  9. Get a life, folks. It’s a parody – and not even a good one. You guys are losing your touch. The flat earth stuff was better.

    Comment by Steve — August 10, 2007 @ 10:50 am | Reply

  10. @Lisa: For you to ram something up Brownback’s “self-righteous rear end”, he’d first have to pull the 2×4 out of it.

    Comment by AutoFire — August 10, 2007 @ 11:00 am | Reply

  11. If nothing else, the pro flautists commenting on this issue should convince all of the satanic influence of these instruments. Right again, Sisyphus!

    Comment by Helen Bock — August 10, 2007 @ 11:18 am | Reply

  12. It’s ok Lisa these people are idolizing a human which makes them nothing less than scum. Mrs. Crackpot is a poor excuse for a wife she has leads us to believe with her anger she is a drunkard, and furthermore she is the most narcissistic wife the Baptist organization has ever seen. She plays on the internet when she could find something to do to improving the living arrangements of her family!

    Comment by Harry Potter — August 10, 2007 @ 11:39 am | Reply

  13. Flutes are the tools of Satan. This thread certainly proves it!

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 10, 2007 @ 1:03 pm | Reply

  14. As usual, you claim you have “proved” something when, in reality, you have proved absolutely nothing but the fact that you are a closed-minded imbecile.

    Comment by AutoFire — August 10, 2007 @ 1:23 pm | Reply

  15. There is nothing more pleasurable than playing a flute made of just the tenderest, most sensuous skin. Oh, to place it between my lips, luxuriating in its silky smoothness, it brings me, like Bach writing his compostions, closer to God. My affection for the flute made of skin will, sadly, have to be put aside after reading this post. What a shame that I have to get off those wonderful flutes made of skin. Thank you for setting my life right and making me give up the skin-flute.

    Comment by calipygian — August 10, 2007 @ 1:58 pm | Reply

  16. “As usual, you claim you have “proved” something when, in reality, you have proved absolutely nothing but the fact that you are a closed-minded imbecile.”

    When people like this argue for flutes, it proves my point for me:

    “There is nothing more pleasurable than playing a flute made of just the tenderest, most sensuous skin. Oh, to place it between my lips, luxuriating in its silky smoothness, it brings me, like Bach writing his compostions, closer to God. My affection for the flute made of skin will, sadly, have to be put aside after reading this post. What a shame that I have to get off those wonderful flutes made of skin. Thank you for setting my life right and making me give up the skin-flute.”

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 10, 2007 @ 2:00 pm | Reply

  17. Am I confused or is calipygian a homosexual?

    Comment by Ann O'Maly — August 10, 2007 @ 2:02 pm | Reply

  18. “Am I confused or is calipygian a homosexual?”

    Or something even worse.

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 10, 2007 @ 2:03 pm | Reply

  19. “Get a life, folks. It’s a parody – and not even a good one. You guys are losing your touch. The flat earth stuff was better.”

    Definitely going downhill. Check out the whole ‘new poster’ thing.

    “Or something even worse.”

    Like…a psychic ZOMBIE??!

    Comment by Brandon Explosion — August 10, 2007 @ 2:11 pm | Reply

  20. This site’s not a parody. What are you loons talking about?

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 10, 2007 @ 2:26 pm | Reply

  21. Brother Sisyphus,

    Anything that is not immoral, corrupt, or perverse is considered parody to those not on the right side of Jesus and politics. Let them enjoy their prosaic little fantasies if it helps get them through the day.

    All that matters is that we know the truth, which comes directly from the Almighty, and the truth is on our side.

    With respect and agape love,

    Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — August 10, 2007 @ 2:35 pm | Reply

  22. HOW DARE YOU! Disgusting pigs. If I ever see Brownback step one foot in my state he will regret it. He might just get a flute rammed up is self righteous rear end.

    DO NOT PRAY FOR ME PRAY FOR YOURSELF.

    Lisa,

    I forgive you for your harsh words and I will pray for you. As a TRUE Christian I understand a hussy in tight pants like yourself can not aspire to the high levels of gentle decorum that Mrs Gaines-Crockett is at. May Jesus let you see the sickness of your profession.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — August 10, 2007 @ 2:42 pm | Reply

  23. When I was in the Navy, “flute music” had a very definite connotation, outside of the band. Of course the Navy Band was known as “The Boys in the Band” but that’s another story. I know Senator Brownback will eliminate flue music from all branches of the service when he is President. Praise the Lord for this Holy MAN!

    Comment by Brother Yancy — August 10, 2007 @ 3:11 pm | Reply

  24. “flute” AND “flue” music. No one in the servcie needs to be whistling up the chiminey, either.

    YIC

    Comment by Brother Yancy — August 10, 2007 @ 3:13 pm | Reply

  25. Can you please explain to me why jazz music is ruining the world? What facts do you have other than your silly idealogies that are faulty and asinine? You guys aren’t Christians, you’re phsycopaths. You give Christians a bad name.

    Comment by f — August 10, 2007 @ 4:07 pm | Reply

  26. You people are the most demonic christians ever

    Comment by Harry Potter — August 10, 2007 @ 4:09 pm | Reply

  27. At least we don’t hack websites, Monkey boy.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 4:30 pm | Reply

  28. [...] Woodwinds are the Instruments of Satan [image]Anyone who has had the misfortune of having certain friends show them a scene or two from the awful […] [...]

    Pingback by Top Posts « WordPress.com — August 10, 2007 @ 6:02 pm | Reply

  29. My eldest son played the flute as a young boy and he became a homosexual. If only I had known!

    Comment by Ida Wish — August 10, 2007 @ 6:18 pm | Reply

  30. I think that just about proves it, Ida. Thanks for your testimonial. The homosexual agenda would like a flute in every hand, a recorder at every lip. At B4B we know better.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 6:20 pm | Reply

  31. Gee, I played a recorder in 4th grade and I’m completely straight.

    Comment by AutoFire — August 10, 2007 @ 7:11 pm | Reply

  32. Well, this does naturally follow, you know. If you look back into mythology, the flute or pan flute or fife is the natural instrument of the pagan or chthonic/earthy counterpart to the more refined string instruments (e.g. lyres, harps) of the more celestial beings. Of course anything that is blown into with the mouth would necessarily allude to a sexual act. Mouths and phalluses are parts of the body used for sexual purposes, thus they are associated with baser instincts.

    Comment by The Witch — August 10, 2007 @ 7:14 pm | Reply

  33. AutoFire, perhaps you’re one of the lucky ones.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 7:16 pm | Reply

  34. “Can you please explain to me why jazz music is ruining the world? What facts do you have other than your silly idealogies that are faulty and asinine? You guys aren’t Christians, you’re phsycopaths. You give Christians a bad name.”

    Any serious study of history will reveal that America has gone downhill since the 1920s, when jazz became popular. And we’re the true Christians, and the real Americans. We frighten you because we show you what you know to be True, but are afraid to embrace. Join us, or remain in the ranks of Satan’s horde.

    “Gee, I played a recorder in 4th grade and I’m completely straight.”

    Straight to Hell if you don’t mend your moonbat ways.

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 10, 2007 @ 7:56 pm | Reply

  35. I am no “hacker” youre a liar and you have no proof. You are about as self-involved and Mrs. Crockpott

    Comment by Harry Potter — August 10, 2007 @ 8:07 pm | Reply

  36. Any serious study of history will reveal that America has gone downhill since the 1920s, when jazz became popular.

    It’s also when marijuana (jazz cigarettes) gained a foothold. And the stock market crashed. I think all these events are related. So does any thinking person.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 8:12 pm | Reply

  37. You are about as self-involved and Mrs. Crockpott

    Lettuce know when you get near a sentence, you nutjob hacker.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 8:13 pm | Reply

  38. Are you sure this is is not a spoof? If it is, funny stuff! I laughed quite a bit. If it is not a spoof… [walks a way shaking head in utter disbelief].

    Comment by Evil Atheist — August 10, 2007 @ 8:31 pm | Reply

  39. You can choose either way. But if you choose unwisely, Satan laughs with (and at) you. Choose wisely.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 8:34 pm | Reply

  40. You lack the intellect to actually argue something, so instead you resort to word-twisting and insults. You have almost anough intelligence to fill a pimple, yet sadly like the filling of a pimple you are gross and useless.

    Comment by Harry Potter — August 10, 2007 @ 9:01 pm | Reply

  41. enough*

    Comment by Harry Potter — August 10, 2007 @ 9:09 pm | Reply

  42. Harry Potter,

    You seem to have some anger issues. May I suggest you embrace Christ’s Love like we Christians have?

    Comment by BJ Tabor — August 10, 2007 @ 9:18 pm | Reply

  43. Thank you Brother Sisyphus and Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett for warning us about this evil of Satan. You have helped me see the light and accept our Lord Jesus into my heart. Thanks to blogs4brownback, I have been saved from hellfire and damnation.

    Yours in Christ,

    Comment by Johann Robert — August 10, 2007 @ 9:35 pm | Reply

  44. What a great endorsement! Thank you, Johann!

    Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 9:52 pm | Reply

  45. I’m not angry, however I am bedazzeled. I don’t think it is right to questiion others’ relationships with God because those relationships are spiritual. Thus, You could never know anyones “heart condition” when it come to Jesus. Thank you though for your care and/or worry.

    Comment by Harry Potter — August 10, 2007 @ 10:20 pm | Reply

  46. Comment by Psycheout — August 10, 2007 @ 8:34 pm

    You can choose either way. But if you choose unwisely, Satan laughs with (and at) you. Choose wisely.

    Uh… Yeah… I was asking you.

    I believe in the this super evil dude exactly as much as I believe in your magic sky daddy – not at all. To me, this is either a moderately clever spoof of bible-thumping wing-nuts or you are a particularly absurd example of one. Which is it?

    Cheers

    –JK–

    Comment by Evil Atheist — August 10, 2007 @ 10:58 pm | Reply

  47. Sorry. I guess quote tags don’t work here.

    –JK–

    [Ed Note: Try <blockquote> instead.]

    Comment by Evil Atheist — August 10, 2007 @ 10:59 pm | Reply

  48. (late response to comment #34)So, Sisyphus, I’m going to go to hell for playing a certain instrument when I was only 9? Talk about unforgiving, and DON’T give me that crap about Jesus.

    Also, you seem to think that being “liberal” alone is enough to send one to Hell. Weird.

    Comment by AutoFire — August 11, 2007 @ 12:09 am | Reply

  49. [...] Today’s post is one of the best ever. Woodwinds are the instruments of Satan. [...]

    Pingback by Science Blog » Blog Archive » Powers and Products of Graphs — August 11, 2007 @ 1:08 am | Reply

  50. “I think we need to start shooting jazz musicians in the head. They’re no better than homosexuals and Islamists. All of them are working to destroy America.”

    Comment by Marcia P. — August 10, 2007 @ 8:54 am

    Hmmmmm. Calling for shooting people in the head because they are musicians sounds like terrorist speak to me. I sure hope the FBI reads this sight because many people here come off as being part of a terrorist cult.

    Comment by spacebrother — August 11, 2007 @ 4:18 am | Reply

  51. Are you joking. This is some of the funniest and most crazy debates that I ever had read. But when it comes to americans and relgion you cant be sure if it is a joke

    Comment by Göran Rudengren — August 11, 2007 @ 5:23 am | Reply

  52. I can’t help but chuckle A LOT through the post and the comments! LOL! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    Comment by titus2woman — August 11, 2007 @ 6:57 am | Reply

  53. This post is not a spoof. Those who think otherwise merely demonstrate the extent to which Satan has infiltrated the public education system and the music scene.

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 11, 2007 @ 7:29 am | Reply

  54. As long as he’s okay with me stroking the keyboard, he’s alright by me. ;)

    Comment by ProAmerica — August 11, 2007 @ 10:51 am | Reply

  55. ok!
    first off, you guys are potheads. but, stating this fact, you are very funny.

    next, i have a question. you say that any instrument you play that involves the use of your mouth is of the Devil. rite? well, i play the trumpet. you use your mouth to play it. does it not say in the Bible that when the Lord comes to call us home, he shall be announced w/ trumpets, and that trumpets are a heavenly instrument.

    now, for all you pervs that keep believing this load of crap, may God save your soul.
    I mean, how old are you anywayz. you seriously need to do some self evaluating to get your mind out of the gutter, ok. you act like a bunch of hippie, pot smoking teens.

    ok, now that ive gotten that out of the way, i guess its time for me to continue doing what i love. thats playin instuments with my mouth. and i do NOT get any sexual stimulation from it. so ill continue to play until my time on earth is done, and after im gone and praisin my lord in heaven, you can do whatever you want with your instruments while your spending eternity in hell. ok?

    thats enough with this post

    Comment by bighead — August 11, 2007 @ 3:41 pm | Reply

  56. [...] it’s Sunday. This raised a laugh. Like it? Please spike it: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share [...]

    Pingback by The devil plays the flute | the spike — August 12, 2007 @ 8:34 am | Reply

  57. Beatboxing Flute Sesame Street

    [Ed Note: Embedded that link for you. No need to thank me.]

    Comment by tonytheist — August 12, 2007 @ 10:19 am | Reply

  58. I played the flute in junior high. Could that have led me down the path to corruption and turned me into the evil heathenistic atheist I am?

    Comment by honjii — August 12, 2007 @ 1:40 pm | Reply

  59. Is this site a joke? I have never, in my entire life, read anything so ridiculous. You people need an education. Go to college or read some books besides the bible. Something – anything!

    Comment by Jeff — August 12, 2007 @ 1:45 pm | Reply

  60. This is a parody, right?

    Comment by ThomasMcCay — August 12, 2007 @ 2:34 pm | Reply

  61. As a professional oboe player, I can attest to how much blowing is involved. HOWEVER, it is NOTHING like giving head.

    [Ed Note: Thanks for that image, kev.]

    Comment by kevin — August 12, 2007 @ 3:16 pm | Reply

  62. Jeff/Thomas,
    Yes, it is a fantastic site, though not a very good one…

    [Ed Note: No profanity, please. This is a family-friendly website.]

    Comment by Steve — August 12, 2007 @ 4:37 pm | Reply

  63. Wow, busy busy.

    I see Marcia is back to mass murder. Not surprised, so I’ll leave it at that.

    To whoever stated that anythign involving your mouth is a sexual act….So, eating is now sexual? Speaking? Drinking?

    Brass players use their mouths as well, and all the same muscles to breathe just as a woodwind (hence being a brasswind player.)

    Musical instruments are not automatically evil. Just as a lunch box is not a tool for evil, nor a pencil, or a knife…BUT, when you use music to express soemthing profane (see modern music….50 cent should do), when that lunch box is thrown at someone’s head, when that pencil is stabbed in someone’s hand, and when that knife kills someone THEN it is a tool for evil. But you know what? Those objects did NOTHING and stood for NOTHING evil. It’s the operator that makes the difference, and there is Scripture that states intruments to be used in the praise to God. I have shown that in both the Old and New Test (see Psalms 150, and Col. 3.16) as psalms include musical instruments.

    You closed-minded fools. Stop being perverts, as that is what you are if that is what you see in a musical instrument that have been used by awesome people in History. Bach wrote numerous things for the church, for example. A piece I played with a wind ensemble (with solo/duet parts for clarinet, flute, and oboe) written by R. Saucedo “With Each Sunset” is dedicated to a man who died in Afganistan. Instrumentalists are NOT evil for their instruments. No, if a person is evil, then they are evil through choice to do evil things. An instrument does not make that decision. Instruments are ammoral. The Internet is also ammoral…it depends on what you do on the Internet that will make it evil. The TV is also ammoral until you watch things that aren’t. Get the drift? (as in, do you understand without twisting my words?)

    Comment by La Mona — August 12, 2007 @ 5:22 pm | Reply

  64. To whoever stated that anythign involving your mouth is a sexual act….So, eating is now sexual? Speaking? Drinking?

    Apparently you’ve never seen 9 1/2 Weeks.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 12, 2007 @ 5:29 pm | Reply

  65. Elaborate….if you think it to have a point.

    The things I listed are NOT sexual acts, thanks.

    Comment by La Mona — August 12, 2007 @ 6:00 pm | Reply

  66. “I played the flute in junior high. Could that have led me down the path to corruption and turned me into the evil heathenistic atheist I am?”

    In all probability, yes.

    “next, i have a question. you say that any instrument you play that involves the use of your mouth is of the Devil. rite? well, i play the trumpet. you use your mouth to play it. does it not say in the Bible that when the Lord comes to call us home, he shall be announced w/ trumpets, and that trumpets are a heavenly instrument.”

    Trumpets require non-sexual lip and tongue movements, though. It’s very different.

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 12, 2007 @ 7:51 pm | Reply

  67. Right…..care to explain that one, Sisyphus? This instrumentalist is curious as to how you came to this conclusion. Considering the brass players are doing the same basic breathing exercises as a woodwind, and they have this nifty double and triple tongue deal, and they come more in contact with the lips than a FLUTE which blows over the top of the mouthpiece and makes half the contact to the lips as a brass player….I am very interested to hear if you can back this one up.

    Comment by La Mona — August 12, 2007 @ 8:11 pm | Reply

  68. i used to play the flute, but i found that more and more i fantasized about men- touching them, kissing them, caressing their hard muscular bodies. so i quit playing the flute and now my wife and i have been happily married for 8 years. we have sex all the time, and i like it.

    Comment by thestraightandnarrow — August 12, 2007 @ 9:08 pm | Reply

  69. Is this some sort of joke?

    Comment by Laz — August 12, 2007 @ 9:36 pm | Reply

  70. This one time, at band camp… We learned that Pipe organs were based on flutes, and engineered from them. So are you guys calling the Pope, a homosexual equivalent to an islamic fundamentalist just because he has one of the largest organs in the world at the vatican? Glad to see you guys are consistent with your inconsistencies.

    If you guys think that woodwinds are sexually corrupt, and therefore tools of Satan, should you not just get rid of instruments all together? I mean if you consider Brass, Woodwind, and other air powered devices, is it not the same “blow”job? Besides, isn’t “organs” implicative of sex as well? Plus, the word “beat” is implicated in the practice of masturbation, so there goes percussion.

    If this is the case, I think you should bawl your “Hymns” a capella… Better yet, just shut up for 5 minutes, and concentrate on your own lives. T.D. Gaines-Crocket’s Idea of Hell is really starting to sound good.

    And Psycheout, before you start spouting movie titles to prove your points, could you tell me why such upstanding citizens such as yourself are watching these depraved shows to begin with? If we have freedom of choice, could you not then choose to watch the shows or not?

    So now with Trumpets out of the equation… I guess it’s a little hard for the Revelation to come to pass?

    Comment by qaeria — August 12, 2007 @ 9:49 pm | Reply

  71. Is this some sort of joke?

    Can you come up with an original question?

    Comment by Psycheout — August 12, 2007 @ 10:30 pm | Reply

  72. So are you guys calling the Pope, a homosexual equivalent to an islamic fundamentalist just because he has one of the largest organs in the world at the vatican?

    You are one sick individual. Seek help.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 12, 2007 @ 10:31 pm | Reply

  73. Because I needed a good laugh?

    Comment by Laz — August 12, 2007 @ 10:44 pm | Reply

  74. If you need a good laugh, Laz, check out our Joke of the Day series. I have many more good rib ticklers queued up, so stay tuned!

    Comment by Psycheout — August 12, 2007 @ 11:38 pm | Reply

  75. Do you need the waaambulance there Psycheout? It was a legitimate question. it also illustrates just how “special” your particular views are. Since I do not profess to have intimate conversations with the almighty, I fail to see why I am the one who requires help. If you stopped and actually read the sewage you have been spouting on this blog, you would see that if you ever had any actual influence in the world, it would be a sad world indeed. No Music, Literature, no sciences, half the world destroyed by nuclear weapons or worse. This is the kind of stuff I would expect fiction writers to dream up. Why is it you can never give an intelligent response in this blog? You seem to show eloquence on others I have seen you participate in.

    Comment by qaeria — August 13, 2007 @ 12:36 am | Reply

  76. If you stopped and actually read the sewage you have been spouting on this blog….

    If you followed your own advice you probably wouldn’t have made such a stupid comment.

    Please diagram this sentence:

    You seem to show eloquence on others I have seen you participate in.

    Because I can make neither head nor tail out of that gibberish.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 13, 2007 @ 12:57 am | Reply

  77. what bothers me is that even tho it’s called a flute, the people that play it are called flautists. so what isn’t it called a flaut? or why aren’t they called flutists? is it because it rhymes with nudists? or what?

    Comment by skippy — August 13, 2007 @ 1:17 am | Reply

  78. That makes a lot of sense, skipper. Welcome to B4B.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 13, 2007 @ 1:47 am | Reply

  79. A pox on you, Sisyphus. After reading this my girlfriend won’t put her lips anywhere near my bassoon.

    Comment by sweavo — August 13, 2007 @ 5:58 am | Reply

  80. [...] activities. A recent study on music and children conducted by our friends at Blogs 4 Brownback, Woodwinds are the Instruments of Satan has proven that certain instruments will lead your child into pornographic and salacious activity. [...]

    Pingback by Unruly Children in the Christian Home « Baptists For Brownback 2008 — August 13, 2007 @ 7:13 am | Reply

  81. I agree, and there is nothing more repulsive then the Oboe, I mean it’s name is just screaming pornographic!

    Comment by Gauldar — August 13, 2007 @ 8:33 am | Reply

  82. Jeff/Thomas,
    Yes, it is a parody site, though not a very good one…

    [Ed Note: No profanity, please. This is a family-friendly website.]

    Since when is parody profane?

    Comment by Steve — August 13, 2007 @ 9:41 am | Reply

  83. Psycheout… My point was is that you actually make cogent arguments in other areas of the web that I have seen you participate in. Some of your arguments on the Red State site were worthy of intelligent debate, yet here, you seem content to reduce yourself to a backwoods country hick who can behave more like a schoolyard bully, than someone who actually has a brain. I’m curious. Is it that the Blogs for Brownback folk would burn you for witchcraft if you show some intelligence?

    oh, and since we are on the war path for all things sexual, would you guys mind getting rid of the rosary? I seem to remember seeing similar articals for sale at a marital aid store. In fact, after purchasing one for my wife, I think I helped bring her closer to god… at least that’s what I heard. How would you interpret: ” Oh God!!! I’m Comming!”?

    Comment by qaeria — August 13, 2007 @ 12:04 pm | Reply

  84. You will all meet the creator soon enough, is my guess. Your lifetime is but a second in eternity. If you choose to use religion as an excuse to hate, you will face your judgement, whatever that will be, I don’t pretend to know. You reap what you sow. I guess if someone intended to do something obscene with a flute, it could be considered obscene, but evil? Religion is the refuge of the mad.
    If a true believer comes along, they crucify him.

    Comment by yarleybrown — August 13, 2007 @ 12:09 pm | Reply

  85. I was a Christian until I read this blog. I went to church every Sunday, I prayed every day. And after realizing that Christianity is nothing more than a cult (demonstrated by such things as going hay-wire over a musical instrument because it is in an elongated shape). So none of you drink from plastic straws? None of you sucked your thumbs as babies? If so, then I suppose that makes you all gay satanists.

    As for me, I ate a Bible to symbolize my domination over it and what it stands for. I burned a Christian flag after urinating on it. I even sacrificed a dove to Satan, the beast, as that is the bird that came down from Heaven when Jesus was baptized. It all felt so good. I freed my mind of the horrible slander that you all preach, and now Satan the beast dwells within me.

    Hail 666

    Comment by Son of Satan — August 13, 2007 @ 12:29 pm | Reply

  86. will some one pleas tell me this is all a joke?

    Comment by cmmm — August 13, 2007 @ 1:28 pm | Reply

  87. I was a Christian until I read this blog.

    You were never a Christian, son. I hope you enjoy hell!

    Comment by Psycheout — August 13, 2007 @ 1:30 pm | Reply

  88. You were never a Christian, son. I hope you enjoy hell!

    Comment by Psycheout — August 13, 2007 @ 1:30 pm | Edit This

    He was, however, always an idiot I imagine.

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — August 13, 2007 @ 1:31 pm | Reply

  89. Actually, no. I was a Christian, and a devoted one at that. But after realizing how insane it makes people (starting with this blog), I did some soul searching, and some studying. I found that no God would let his people become lunatics over his teachings. People like you all stand as examples of a religion gone bad. I’m not a Satanist because I believe in Satan. I just did it to spite idiots like you.

    I’m an atheist, if anything. And it pretty much started by looking around this blog and other places like it.

    And don’t you call me an idiot. Even most Christians would call you people idiots. Woodwinds are the instruments of Satan? Ha ha. Alright. Even as a Christian, I would have believed you all were going to Hell, simply for spreading such ludacris things in the name of Jesus. Lucky for you (and unfortunately for me), there is no Hell. So when you die, you’re dead.

    I could only wish eternal punishment upon you all.

    Comment by Son of Satan — August 13, 2007 @ 2:29 pm | Reply

  90. Satan is very pleased with all of you, especially you, Mrs. Gaines-Crockett. You’ve taken the name of Jesus and slandered it all over the internet. You all shall hold a high place in Hell.

    Comment by Abort Christian Babies — August 13, 2007 @ 2:39 pm | Reply

  91. Comment by Abort Christian Babies — August 13, 2007 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

  92. Here’s a video for you all to enjoy:

    Comment by Abort Christian Babies — August 13, 2007 @ 2:48 pm | Reply

  93. As I see it, the only reason the author of this post is not clamoring for the killing of all the hecklers is because it is not socially acceptable. If it were, if society looked down upon those that think differently, and condoned retribution beyond an adverse post like the one above, the author would surely feel justified with more than just an obscure post.

    Contrast what is acceptable in our society, with what is acceptable in a muslim community, where mothers praise a non-existent almighty for allowing a child to give their life with a suicide bombing, and you see the difference is the legitimacy of the acts performed in the name of faith, not in the rationale of those performing the acts. In other words, the above post shows the potential is here for the atrocities that are allowed in other parts of the world. How long can we keep our sanity?

    Comment by Steve — August 13, 2007 @ 6:44 pm | Reply

  94. “In other words, the above post shows the potential is here for the atrocities that are allowed in other parts of the world. How long can we keep our sanity?”

    Steve? What in Satan’s name are you babbling about? How does anything on this page point to there being a potential for atrocities from other parts of the world being here?

    It took me at least five minutes to even figure out what your comment said. You should write for this blog. People would be much better off confused than they would with this garbage in their minds.

    Comment by Abort Christian Babies — August 13, 2007 @ 7:02 pm | Reply

  95. I spoke with Satan just a minute ago, Son of Satan. He said He has big plans for Mr. Brownback. I asked Him, also, about Mrs. Gaines-Crockett, and I wasn’t surprised when the Beast said her sould belongs to Him.

    Comment by Hellhammer — August 13, 2007 @ 7:05 pm | Reply

  96. I offer my confession…..
    I lay myself down….apostate for all to see..
    that at the day of the divine revelation and rapture
    I may be once again ensconced in the womb of antiseptic
    learning at the altar.. Yea!
    I am the Wrath of the Lamb….

    I am the Paraclete of Gaborka

    I not only taught Mrs. Gaines-Crockett how to perform
    acts of SATAN on the dreaded aforementioned woodwind intruments
    BUT…… she engaged ‘the flute made of just the tenderest, most sensuous skin’.
    and didst have ‘her way’ with it…….

    I supplicate myself…. and submit for eternity spiked to
    the TREE OF WOE..

    Oh the horror….. the Pain….

    and..
    I’m still glad you folks don’t kill lil’ kitties

    It’s been real ;-)

    Comment by Big E — August 14, 2007 @ 7:08 pm | Reply

  97. Yeah, so I’ve played flute for my church. But lo and behold the guitar, how I stroke thee. I cannot forget the trombone, that which I slide back and forth. Oh, and the piano, how I have both my dirty hands on thou.

    Comment by Ell — August 14, 2007 @ 7:55 pm | Reply

  98. Actually oboes are the ill winds that no one blows good

    Comment by Eli Rabett — August 15, 2007 @ 1:23 am | Reply

  99. “Any serious study of history will reveal that America has gone downhill since the 1920s, when jazz became popular. And we’re the true Christians, and the real Americans. We frighten you because we show you what you know to be True, but are afraid to embrace. Join us, or remain in the ranks of Satan’s horde.”
    America has definitey gone down hill if it’s willing to let scum like Brownback run. Now, what I just said is called an opinion. What was said by you earlier, that the U.S. has gone down hill, is also an opinion. What you then proceeded to say is the most rediculous, ludicrous piece of garbage I’ve ever heard (in my opinion).
    1. Jazz has roots dating back long before that. Why don’t you do some serious studying of history, fool?
    2. Coincidence, anyone?
    3. “America has gone downhill since the 1920′s.” I thought you said you believed in patriotism? Always the optimist.
    4. I have been Episcopalian for a long time. You sicken me by saying things like that. Why don’t you leave any decisions about my soul or your soul or anyone else’s up to God?

    Comment by neutronnate — August 16, 2007 @ 10:57 pm | Reply

  100. Oh, that’s right, because you usurp the “throne of God,” get all self-righteous about it, and then think you have absolute control over everyone’s souls. Get a life.

    Comment by neutronnate — August 17, 2007 @ 4:33 pm | Reply

  101. “Get a life.”

    Jesus is my Life. But the man who puts his faith in secularism and the works of Satan is the man who has sought succor in grasping a tongue of fire. The man who places a flute to his lips is the man who will pleasure the Devil for all eternity. If you want that for yourself, fine. Enjoy Hell. But you have no right to take THE CHILDREN with you, Mister! No right at all!

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 17, 2007 @ 8:08 pm | Reply

  102. Children don’t listen to jazz. What about all the religious figures who have had more interest in secularity and militarism? For example, pretty much every pope who ever lived? And what about all the religious musicians who are smart enough to see past a perverted, ambiguous elusion you use for fuel for masturbation? And do you realize how rediculous it sounds that I am pulling children to hell with me for liking jazz?
    And, by the way, there is a scientific reason the flute and other woodwinds are shaped like they are. When you blow into a wind instrument, the sound is produced by blowing against an edge or by a vibrating a thin piece of wood known as a reed. Then, the pitch is government by the resonant frequencies echoing inside the enclosed air column. I can only assume you’ve never constructed a flute, but they have to have exact dimensions to allow the frequency to resonate. If they weren’t that shape, it wouldn’t work. This is like what makes a Bflat Trumpet different than C Trumpet, or a Clarinet in Eflat or a Clarinet in A. They aren’t shaped that way to undermine the religion of society – that’s some kind of absurd conspiracy or something.

    Comment by neutronnate — August 18, 2007 @ 10:35 am | Reply

  103. >>Children don’t listen to jazz.

    Of course not. That’s what rock is for. Jazz is for adults, i.e. people who can look at a flute, oboe, etc. without seeing a dildo. You know what else looks like a dildo? A cross! So the next time you genuflect when someone crosses your path with a dildo-shaped object, or write a check for the collection plate using a didlo-shaped object, or hold your bible with ten dildo-shaped objects, you’ll come to realize that playing music on a dildo-shaped object ain’t so bad.

    Comment by ***UNChristian Word Removed*** — August 19, 2007 @ 8:38 pm | Reply

  104. What’s a dildo?

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 20, 2007 @ 2:10 pm | Reply

  105. A dildo is a peg used to lock an oar in position on a small boat. Why there is an island in Newfoundland named after it (Dildo Island) is a mystery to me. Canadians are pretty boring folk, though.

    Dildo Island, Newfoundland, is the largest of three islands located at the entrance to Dildo Arm in the bottom of Trinity Bay, off the coast of the neighboring town Dildo.

    Comment by Psycheout — August 20, 2007 @ 2:24 pm | Reply

  106. Sisyphus, I completely agree with God’s word on this one.

    Marching band does, however, seem to discourage abortion. Many of the PLINOs list ‘reasons’ for abortion: rape, maternal life, health, defect of the child, and socioeconomic factors.

    Maternal life and health are the most justifiable causes for abortion. Now, I want you to keep in mind I want an abortion law punished by death, akin to Chile’s. However, many people in the ‘Pro-life’ movement support abortion the most for these reasons. Why, even the devoutly religious Saudi Arabia will give abortions for these reasons. Marching band, however, will keep these women healthy and strong, so they should not have difficulty bearing childbirth. Now, when we get the Girl Scouts to abolish their minivans, we may be able to repeal this, but I am opposed to regulating such a faithful organization. After all, if you try to regulate them, you hate America.

    Rape is also helped by marching band. Cheerleading is an immoral sport where everybody desperately wants to enter sexual relations with the opposite sex (not to mention cheerleaders expose their breasts). Marching band people, however, generally suck at having sex. Their pimply covered exoskeletons seem to discourage sex except for child production.

    Fetal deficits are simply retarted. The child will always be able to distribute tracts, no matter how disabled it is. Even Stephen Hawkings, if he were so inclined, could distribute these.

    Finally, socioeconomic factors ought not to be a problem if these women attend church.

    Marching band, much like the Constitution and the heliocentric Catholic Church, are necessary evils. They may bring the devil to work on us, but without them, the devil would already be ruling this nation.

    Comment by Bob_Corker — August 23, 2007 @ 6:29 pm | Reply

  107. [...] Anyone who thinks this isn’t obscene needs to have their eyes examined. Satan lurks in every frame of this filth. I only post it because it proves my point. [...]

    Pingback by Sinners and Saxophones: A Match Made in Hell « Blogs 4 Brownback — August 27, 2007 @ 5:46 pm | Reply

  108. “Marching band, much like the Constitution and the heliocentric Catholic Church, are necessary evils. They may bring the devil to work on us, but without them, the devil would already be ruling this nation.”

    You can’t fight Satan with Satan, Bob. And there is no justification for abortion. God has a plan. Our plans may or may not factor into it, but it’s the True Plan for all of us. To disregard it is to embrace the Devil.

    Comment by Sisyphus — August 27, 2007 @ 5:56 pm | Reply

  109. [...] to be punished in such a fashion (and not, themselves, with death, as Marcia P. would undoubtedly assert), then surely the crime of murder must be punished in the harshest possible fashion. An eye for an [...]

    Pingback by Death Penalty Opponents Must Be Stopped! « Blogs 4 Brownback — August 28, 2007 @ 9:17 am | Reply

  110. Bob, where did you get your information? Nothing you said has much of any kind of foundation. For example, “Marching band people, however, generally suck at having sex. Their pimply covered exoskeletons seem to discourage sex except for child production.” is baseless. A person in the marching band is as likely to be covered in pimples as one in athletics or one in no extra activities. And I have NO clue as to how you came up with someone’s sexual ability being dictated by being in band or not.

    Try again…perhaps you should start with a little fact. It helps.

    Comment by La Mona — August 28, 2007 @ 7:11 pm | Reply

  111. Great post Sisyphus.

    Comment by ChenZhen — August 28, 2007 @ 10:09 pm | Reply

  112. I play clarinet, so I’m safe!

    Woohoo!

    Comment by L. — November 16, 2007 @ 9:25 pm | Reply

  113. First, other than insulting each other, has anyone made any type of actual case for any arguement? Christians are supposed to be open minded and accepting. This does NOT mean forgiving while calling someone a ‘hussy’. Good job. You forgave them but they now have a grudge against you. This somehow does not make things ‘better’.

    On to my point:

    They have lyre and harp, tambourine and flute and wine at their feasts, but they do not regard the deeds of the Lord.

    It’s not the flute at fault, it’s the regard ( or lack of) for the Lord. And if the flute is evil, then everything in that sentence that is associated must be evil. ‘lyre and harp, tambourine and flute and wine’ Well harps aren’t? And Jesus drank and made wine. Your arguement get gets a little less believavle all the time.

    If even inanimate musical instruments, such as the flute or the harp.
    Again the referecnce it to the flute AND the harp.

    ’2And the sound of harpists and minstrels and flute players and trumpeters shall never again be heard in you, and no skilled artisan of any craft shall ever again be found in you, and the sound of the millstone shall never again be heard in you ‘

    Again, flute AND harp. But wait also artisans are evil, minsterals, trumpeters and millstones. Nothing is left but rocks and dirt…oops no rocks.

    I could go on but you see the point. Good job REAL christians at wanting to shoot people, group them, segrigate them…but all while forgiving and being spitful. Next time look in the mirror and point the finger.

    Thanks.

    Comment by Critic_75 — December 5, 2007 @ 3:33 pm | Reply

  114. [...] trolls, do NOT read that article and by golly DO NOT click on the link which insists that “Woodwinds are the instruments of Satan“! [...]

    Pingback by Phi Blog » Blog Archive » Happy(?) New Year! — January 2, 2008 @ 6:04 pm | Reply

  115. [...] America. The marching band as a whole needs to be remodeled, since there is much <a href=”http://blogs4brownback.wordpress.com/2007/08/10/woodwinds-are-the-instruments-of-satan/”>si…> in many musical instruments. Perhaps I should not be surprised, however, for our moonbat [...]

    Pingback by John Philip Sousa: False Idol « Calvinists 4 Conservatism — March 11, 2008 @ 3:52 pm | Reply

  116. [...] National March of America. The marching band as a whole needs to be remodeled, since there is much sin in many musical instruments. Perhaps I should not be surprised, however, for our moonbat [...]

    Pingback by John Philip Sousa: False Idol « Blogs 4 Brownback — March 14, 2008 @ 6:39 pm | Reply

  117. I like sausages. Does anyone else?

    Comment by mole — April 8, 2008 @ 7:13 am | Reply

  118. “I like sausages.”
    I’m the only one in my family who can’t stand sausages. Unless it’s pepperoni, I don’t want it.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — April 8, 2008 @ 3:24 pm | Reply

  119. Heh, you conservative Christians do more damage to Christianity than anyone else. By shouting out things like this has convinced me for sure that I belonged to a wrong religion (or I belonged in a religion at all).

    This kind of agitation against certain groups of people, activities, beliefs and views by you whose one commandment says “You shall not murder” (http://blogs4brownback.wordpress.com/2007/08/10/woodwinds-are-the-instruments-of-satan/#comment-16382) and whose one most important view is that “Love is the most important thing” is minconceivable!

    So congratulations, I had earlier already resigned from my state church, but I still thought Christianity had a few good points and I was still pondering, calling myself agnosticic, but now I don’t believe there’s anything good in any religion and this thing about there being a god of some sort sounds extremely absurd and implausible–who could tell his followers to be so cruel to others?

    I repeat: this text helped me to lose my faith even more in Christianity and any other religion and turned me more atheistic than ever before. I think this is not what you wanted, right? So maybe you are doing something wrong and you’d better fix it soon, right!

    Comment by Nameless — May 21, 2008 @ 6:30 am | Reply

  120. sometimes i wipe with my hand…….. and that shit gets all over

    Comment by Andrew Knight — May 21, 2008 @ 12:55 pm | Reply

  121. [...] National March of America. The marching band as a whole needs to be remodeled, since there is much sin in many musical instruments. Perhaps I should not be surprised, however, for our moonbat [...]

    Pingback by John Philip Sousa: False Idol « Calvinists 4 Conservatism — August 1, 2008 @ 1:24 pm | Reply

  122. It is such a shame that Christians so readily forget that we are now free from the shackles of sin. By accepting Christ as your Savior your sins died on the cross with him, meaning the Holy Spirit is upon you and will guide you in all things. I implore you to read Paul’s letter to the Galatians, particularly Chapters 4- http://tiny.cc/f4ev7 and 5- http://tiny.cc/eepbn . Her Paul explains that the Law is for slaves to sin, those who have not accepted God’s inheritance through Jesus Christ.

    What this woman teaches here is just another Law that she wants you to follow so that you can be saved from sin, but as it says in Galatians 3:11 “So it is clear that no one can be made right with God by Following the Law” now if you cant be made right by following God’s own law, then what makes you think you will be made right by following this self-righteous woman’s rule about playing flutes?! It is quite clear; let the Holy Spirit guide you on all things. So fair enough if you feel deep down that playing the Flute is sinful as it will lead you to lusty desire then don’t do it. However do not then go telling other Christians that no one should play the flute as if this is a pre-requisite for salvation, because the one and only pre-requisite is the acceptance of Jesus as you Savior and Son of God, after that the Holy Spirit will instruct each of us individually.

    Please lost sheep, stop looking to the Self-righteous to show you how to live your lives, look to the bible and into your own heart for guidance, and do not attempt to then extrapolate that guidance on to other Christians, for the Spirit lives in them also and will guide them on their own path to holiness. Remember no Earthly man has all the answers, learn to trust your inner voice of reason, put there by God especially for you, that is the best most pure source for guidance, which coupled with the bible will never lead you astray (no matter how many flutes you blow ;) )

    May the Peace and Spirit of God be with you always guiding you to his heart.
    Amen.

    Comment by Elizabth — April 30, 2010 @ 9:36 am | Reply

  123. First things first…

    Isaiah 5:11-12, I believe they are talking about the fact that they are not using the instruments to worship God, but rather to just have music. It doesn’t say anything about flutes, tamborines, harps, or harps being “of the devil or evil”.

    Jeremiah 48:36. First off, this is God talking. God wouldn’t say that his heart is lamenting like a flute, that would be rediculous. Why would God use Satan’s instrument?

    Matthew 9:23-24. Lets finish the Scripture shall we? “Jesus said, ‘Go away. THIS GIRL IS NOT DEAD BUT ASLEEP.” Don’t twist the Word of God, you WILL go to Hell for that, I can assure you.

    1 Corinthians 14:7…. Ok, lets first take a look at the name of the chapter. Oh look, it’s GIFTS OF PROPHECY AND TONGUES. Hmm, that’s interesting. Now lets look at the verse again.
    “Even in the case of lifeless things that make sounds, such as the flute or harp, how will anyone know what tune is being played unless there is a distinction in the notes?”
    From an literal view, it means how can a LIFELESS thing play a song when you play random notes. It never mentions anywhere that flutes or harps are evil. They’re just lifeless; ya know, like every other instrument? From a non literal meaning, it means how can you preach the good news to those who need it without knowing what your saying.

    Revelation 18:22, Now, if we read before hand, we can see that they are talking about BABYLON!!! It’s not talking about us or God’s church, it’s talking about Babylon.

    Huge note here buddy. When you want to post something on teh interwebs, make sure that you do THOROUGH research, because clearly you have not. Better luck next time?

    Comment by Trollin' — February 9, 2011 @ 12:16 pm | Reply

  124. Are you fucking kidding me?

    Comment by Use Your Brains — July 1, 2012 @ 11:25 pm | Reply

  125. Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.

    2Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.

    3Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.

    4Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.

    5Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.

    6Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.

    From reading this it seems that the author did not compare scripture with scripture, took scripture out of context and added his own opinion. This is how cults get started. What you are saying does not line up with the word of God actually is contradicts Psalms 150 completely…why? Because you didnt compare it to other scripture, you took it out of context and you added your own opinion.

    Comment by J — January 2, 2013 @ 5:25 am | Reply

  126. [...] Because it’s Sunday. This raised a laugh. [...]

    Pingback by Ivo Vegter | Ivo Vegter — January 31, 2013 @ 12:14 pm | Reply

  127. I like cheese. More cheese , please.

    Comment by JJJarvis — May 10, 2013 @ 9:50 am | Reply


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