Further Hilarity from the Aerospace Conspiracy

The liberal treefrogs would have you believe that this [MSNBC] isn’t a hoax:

Two Russian cosmonauts climbed out of the international space station Wednesday to install protective panels designed to shield the orbiting outpost from dangerous space debris.

Even without access to a complete description of the alleged “incident”, we can use the biased CNN moonbatty summary to see through this concocted occurrence. Space, as we know, is either ether (rendering space flight impossible), or it is empty. If it is empty, why would it have debris in it? Moreover, if empty, why wouldn’t the planets rip themselves apart to fill this void? Nature abhors nothing more than a vacuum. Already, at paragraph one, the lies and inconsistencies in this story evanesce.

Let’s read on:

Commander Fyodor Yurchikhin and flight engineer Oleg Kotov opened a hatch on the Russian side of the space station at 3:05 p.m. ET. The spacewalk ended about 5½ hours later.

Russia, which can’t even hold Chechnya and which only abandoned Communist ludditism 16 years ago, has people in outer space. Yes. You’re actually supposed to believe that.

“Hooray! We’re back home!” one of the cosmonauts said after climbing back into the space station airlock. The only lament from the first-time spacewalkers came at the end, from a cosmonaut who complained about an ill-fitted glove on his spacesuit.

They were back home the whole time, so don’t bust out the champagne for them just yet. Moreover, why do spacesuits have gloves? Any chink in this armor will supposedly suck the cosmonaut through the hole to his agonizing, squishy doom. Yet, they send them into space with gloves that don’t fit correctly. If this story is to be believed, sometimes they probably send them into space with no gloves whatsoever. Yes. You are supposed to believe this.

Both men were tethered during the spacewalk to keep them from floating away. The station’s third occupant, U.S. astronaut Sunita Williams, remained inside.

They have ropes keeping them from being sucked apart in the void of space, while a tennis star, and a woman at that, waits inside to help them. Absurd.

Space debris includes objects such as discarded rocket parts, planetary dust and rocks. Scientists consider it the greatest threat to the space station, orbiting about 220 miles above Earth.

So the planets are pulled apart. But, they aren’t. Or something like that. Let NASA change its answer!

I’d go on laughing at this article, but I think I’ve made my point. It’s a hoax. You’d have to be brain dead or on the take to fall for something like this, yet that’s just what those NASA fatcats want you to think.

Excuse me while I go laugh myself silly.

UPDATE: I couldn’t let these slide without a refutation:

Kotov rode at the end of a crane operated by Yurchikhin to reach the stack of aluminum panels about 60 feet from the hatch.

How can there be stacks in space? I thought your precious gravity-less vacuum was supposed to make them float away…

“The consequence of small particles is not so great,” said Kirk Shireman, NASA’s deputy program manager for the space station. “Then there are the midrange particles. Those are the ones we worry about.”

This is easily one of the strangest/stupidest things ever said.

The spacewalk started about 45 minutes late, but a bright moon allowed the cosmonauts to catch up by working through what normally would have been darkness after orbital sunsets. The space station circles the Earth every 90 minutes.

Yeah, right. The Earth is supposedly a sphere about a million miles in circumference, yet they can orbit it every 90 minutes. I thought your precious Einstein said objects can’t move faster than the speed of light!

This article is a treasure-trove of unintentional hilarity. Thank you, CNN!

Update 2 (by Psycheout): CNN link, as usual, has broken.  Added MSNBC link.