Blogs 4 Brownback

May 31, 2007

Further Hilarity from the Aerospace Conspiracy

Filed under: Democratic Idiocy,Faith,Science — Sisyphus @ 5:47 am

The liberal treefrogs would have you believe that this [MSNBC] isn’t a hoax:

Two Russian cosmonauts climbed out of the international space station Wednesday to install protective panels designed to shield the orbiting outpost from dangerous space debris.

Even without access to a complete description of the alleged “incident”, we can use the biased CNN moonbatty summary to see through this concocted occurrence. Space, as we know, is either ether (rendering space flight impossible), or it is empty. If it is empty, why would it have debris in it? Moreover, if empty, why wouldn’t the planets rip themselves apart to fill this void? Nature abhors nothing more than a vacuum. Already, at paragraph one, the lies and inconsistencies in this story evanesce.

Let’s read on:

Commander Fyodor Yurchikhin and flight engineer Oleg Kotov opened a hatch on the Russian side of the space station at 3:05 p.m. ET. The spacewalk ended about 5½ hours later.

Russia, which can’t even hold Chechnya and which only abandoned Communist ludditism 16 years ago, has people in outer space. Yes. You’re actually supposed to believe that.

“Hooray! We’re back home!” one of the cosmonauts said after climbing back into the space station airlock. The only lament from the first-time spacewalkers came at the end, from a cosmonaut who complained about an ill-fitted glove on his spacesuit.

They were back home the whole time, so don’t bust out the champagne for them just yet. Moreover, why do spacesuits have gloves? Any chink in this armor will supposedly suck the cosmonaut through the hole to his agonizing, squishy doom. Yet, they send them into space with gloves that don’t fit correctly. If this story is to be believed, sometimes they probably send them into space with no gloves whatsoever. Yes. You are supposed to believe this.

Both men were tethered during the spacewalk to keep them from floating away. The station’s third occupant, U.S. astronaut Sunita Williams, remained inside.

They have ropes keeping them from being sucked apart in the void of space, while a tennis star, and a woman at that, waits inside to help them. Absurd.

Space debris includes objects such as discarded rocket parts, planetary dust and rocks. Scientists consider it the greatest threat to the space station, orbiting about 220 miles above Earth.

So the planets are pulled apart. But, they aren’t. Or something like that. Let NASA change its answer!

I’d go on laughing at this article, but I think I’ve made my point. It’s a hoax. You’d have to be brain dead or on the take to fall for something like this, yet that’s just what those NASA fatcats want you to think.

Excuse me while I go laugh myself silly.

UPDATE: I couldn’t let these slide without a refutation:

Kotov rode at the end of a crane operated by Yurchikhin to reach the stack of aluminum panels about 60 feet from the hatch.

How can there be stacks in space? I thought your precious gravity-less vacuum was supposed to make them float away…

“The consequence of small particles is not so great,” said Kirk Shireman, NASA’s deputy program manager for the space station. “Then there are the midrange particles. Those are the ones we worry about.”

This is easily one of the strangest/stupidest things ever said.

The spacewalk started about 45 minutes late, but a bright moon allowed the cosmonauts to catch up by working through what normally would have been darkness after orbital sunsets. The space station circles the Earth every 90 minutes.

Yeah, right. The Earth is supposedly a sphere about a million miles in circumference, yet they can orbit it every 90 minutes. I thought your precious Einstein said objects can’t move faster than the speed of light!

This article is a treasure-trove of unintentional hilarity. Thank you, CNN!

Update 2 (by Psycheout): CNN link, as usual, has broken.  Added MSNBC link.

125 Comments »

  1. Keep trying, Sisyphus. You have roped in a few moonbats who apparently do not know that this is a parody blog.

    Comment by smedley — May 31, 2007 @ 7:18 am | Reply

  2. Did you realise that the idiom ‘Nature abhors a vacuum’, and in fact most of the rest of your scientific understanding comes directly from the heathen Greek and homosexual, Aristotle? He was also in many ways the father of science. Great man.

    Unfortunately he was wrong about a lot of stuff, such as the aforementioned ether, geocentrism etc. But luckily Newton discovered gravity a few hundred years ago which has kept our planet from exploding and keeps the air nearby where we can breathe it. Phew!

    So we won’t be joining you as you float off into your precious ether. But have a good trip. Hope you don’t get too high from the fumes.

    Comment by Mr Agnostic — May 31, 2007 @ 7:49 am | Reply

  3. Everybody knows that a person in a vacuum explodes. Yet, somehow, these “astronauts” were able to go out into space without exploding.

    Yeah, right. Does the elitist moonbat left think we were all born yesterday?

    BTW, speaking of the elitist moonbat left, the New York Times allowed a small amount of truth to seep through their filter today in the form of an Op-ed from Sen. Brownback himself. He speaks courageously of evolution and faith, and confirms everything that I’ve read about him here. (Yes, Sisyphus, that means you are right again, as usual🙂 ) Good to see that he’s not afraid to go into the lion’s den itself and speak the truth.

    Comment by Carey Meiers — May 31, 2007 @ 7:52 am | Reply

  4. “Keep trying, Sisyphus. You have roped in a few moonbats who apparently do not know that this is a parody blog.”

    This isn’t a parody blog, Smedley. And around here, we also call them “treefrogs” by popular demand.

    “Did you realise that the idiom ‘Nature abhors a vacuum’, and in fact most of the rest of your scientific understanding comes directly from the heathen Greek and homosexual, Aristotle? He was also in many ways the father of science. Great man.”

    Just because he was wrong about sodomy doesn’t mean he was wrong about science. A stopped clock gives the right time twice a day.

    “But luckily Newton discovered gravity a few hundred years ago which has kept our planet from exploding and keeps the air nearby where we can breathe it. Phew!”

    Newton was a Darwinian fraud. How can you muster the nerve to even mention his name in this conversation?

    “So we won’t be joining you as you float off into your precious ether. But have a good trip. Hope you don’t get too high from the fumes.”

    No one really knows what ether is made of, but I suspect that it’s water. I think that’s why we can see the Sun and the stars through it. That also explains why the sky is blue, and it may have something to do with rainfall.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 7:57 am | Reply

  5. Sisyphus,

    if this is not a parody, you need help

    if this is a parody, you also need help

    Comment by Dr. Phil — May 31, 2007 @ 8:07 am | Reply

  6. I suspect that it’s water.

    Of course it is. When God flooded the earth to cleanse it of Leftists in Noah’s day, where do you think that water came from?

    Comment by HTML Mencken — May 31, 2007 @ 8:12 am | Reply

  7. Thanks for sharing, Dr. Phil.

    “Of course it is. When God flooded the earth to cleanse it of Leftists in Noah’s day, where do you think that water came from?”

    Well, God could get the water from anywhere. But my personal belief- which may very well be wrong, I readily concede that- is that the ether is mostly made of water. The sky has to be blue for a reason, and I think this is it.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 8:18 am | Reply

  8. Sisy, you should go pro, I’m sure you can get your won show at comedy central!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 9:00 am | Reply

  9. “Sisy, you should go pro, I’m sure you can get your won show at comedy central!”

    I don’t want a show on that network. I wouldn’t mind working with Pat Robertson, though, if God thinks I could do more good there.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 9:02 am | Reply

  10. Pat Robertson has been to France, in an airplane, so he’s seen the curvature of the Earth!

    I saw it every time I flew over the atlantic.

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 9:25 am | Reply

  11. “I saw it every time I flew over the atlantic.”

    Really? How?

    When I flew over the Atlantic, all I saw were clouds, and some blue that was presumably the ocean. Also, I saw Ireland one time. It was green.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 9:30 am | Reply

  12. Maybe you need some glasses then, or fly on a clear day, and remember the dark blue is the ocean, the light blue is the sky…

    Yes, Ireland is indeed green, thanks for the info though!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 9:32 am | Reply

  13. “Space, as we know, is either ether (rendering space flight impossible), or it is empty. If it is empty, why would it have debris in it? Moreover, if empty, why wouldn’t the planets rip themselves apart to fill this void?”

    By that reasoning the Sun, the Moon and the Earth would all stand still relative to each other, or, all three would explode…

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 9:43 am | Reply

  14. It is water, Sisyphus. And when we Heliocentrists try to puncture the water-filled heavens with our rockets and ‘spaceships’, what do you think is our prime motivation?

    That’s right, to flood the Earth again. See, such is our desire to be blasphemous — doing what only God had done before.

    But that’s only part of it. Actually, we hope to flood the Earth so that we’ll drown all the Christians before they can be raptured. Of course we’ll drown too, but then like the Islamofascists we’re willing to be suicides for the sake of the Cause.

    This part of the Leftist conspiracy is called the ‘Suicide-Flooder’ project.

    If rockets ultimately fail, we hope that our feminists — heavily trained in the lesbian and witchcraft arts — can eventually develop the ability to launch heaven-perforating projectiles from their childless and over-sexed vaginas. This Plan B is called ‘Project Dykebuster’.

    Comment by HTML Mencken — May 31, 2007 @ 9:51 am | Reply

  15. Lol,

    …a YEC president? Only in America! (and Iran)

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 10:02 am | Reply

  16. I think you “science-ists,” which is what I’m going to call you now, should give up on this debate, which you have already lost (how come none of you are responding to Sisyphus’ devastating point about the stacks?!?) and devote your energies to figuring out the correlation between being liberal and being mentally defective. My suspicion is that this would be a very fruitful line of inquiry.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 10:22 am | Reply

  17. Sisyphus, you have too much time on your hands.
    At least the mythological Sisyphus was condemned.
    You should go pro as suggested already…

    Comment by Dr. Phil — May 31, 2007 @ 10:27 am | Reply

  18. On second thought you might be already “confined”

    Comment by Dr. Phil — May 31, 2007 @ 10:28 am | Reply

  19. The stack of aluminum plates? Ever heard of ropes, magnets, etc…?

    Now that I’ve answered your in quiry, maybe you can answer mine:

    Why don’t the Sun, the Earth and the Moon explode?

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 10:30 am | Reply

  20. You think that space is empty? You’re not serious are you?

    Comment by Wow — May 31, 2007 @ 10:36 am | Reply

  21. By the way, speed of light 186,282 miles in a second.
    Multiply this by 5400 (the seconds in 90 min)
    to find how much it travels in 90 minutes
    (of course light travels slower in a thick material
    such as between Brownback’s neurons…)

    Comment by Dr. Phil — May 31, 2007 @ 10:40 am | Reply

  22. Skeptic @ 17:

    “The stack of aluminum plates? Ever heard of ropes, magnets, etc…?”

    Those would create “bundles” not “stacks.”

    “Why don’t the Sun, the Earth and the Moon explode?”

    I don’t see how quoting Pink Floyd lyrics advances this discussion.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 10:46 am | Reply

  23. Well, why don’t they explode?

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 10:50 am | Reply

  24. Skeptic @ 19:

    Oh, I didn’t realize it was a question. I thought it was a drug-addled reverie.

    “Well, why don’t they explode?”

    Because of the aether, obviously. Aren’t you following the discussion here?

    I notice you pass over the important matter of “bundles” not being “stacks,” by the way.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 10:56 am | Reply

  25. If there’s ether then the astronauts wouldn’t explode either.

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 10:59 am | Reply

  26. I’ve often heard people refer to a bunch of pallets stapled on top of each other held together by a rope as “stacks”, besides, they’re scientists, not linguists and it’s a ridiculous argument anyway!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 11:02 am | Reply

  27. Oh, and magnets between the plates would still make a stack!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 11:03 am | Reply

  28. It’s good to know that my comments on your previous entries have had such a profound influence on you.

    The speed of light is approximately 186000 miles per second. The earth has a circumference of approximately 24900 miles. I’ll let you do the calculations for how long it would take something to travel round the earth at the speed of light. Unless mathematics is also the work of the devil? You never know, it could be. 1 + 1 = 2 assuming base 10 numbers rather than boolean.

    Comment by hoverfrog — May 31, 2007 @ 11:04 am | Reply

  29. “Space, as we know, is either ether (rendering space flight impossible), or it is empty. If it is empty, why would it have debris in it? Moreover, if empty, why wouldn’t the planets rip themselves apart to fill this void?”

    By that reasoning the Sun, the Moon and the Earth would all stand still relative to each other, OR all three would explode…

    See, I did follow the discussion!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 11:04 am | Reply

  30. Skeptic @ 21:

    Of course they wouldn’t. Did you read Sisyphus’ post?

    Skeptic @ 22:

    I find your criteria for ridiculousness ridiculous. And are you suggesting that these aluminum panels were “stapled” together? Have you ever used a stapler?

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 11:08 am | Reply

  31. “Well, God could get the water from anywhere. But my personal belief- which may very well be wrong, I readily concede that- is that the ether is mostly made of water. The sky has to be blue for a reason, and I think this is it.”

    Sisyphus,

    I’m sorry… after this comment I just can’t take you, or your blog, seriously. You indeed have some fine parody here: keep of the good work!

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 11:12 am | Reply

  32. Keep up the good work, that is.🙂

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 11:13 am | Reply

  33. In the English language “staple” also means: “a bunch of things, where one thing’s on top of the other”, with you scrutinizing the stack/bundle thing I would assume you knew that.

    If astronauts don’t explode, because of the aether, then what would make spaceflight impossible?

    And since when does the Earth have a circumference of millions of miles? Last time I checked it was 40.000 km.

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 11:14 am | Reply

  34. Then you need a speed of 28.000 kph for a 90 minute orbit, that is about 9 times faster than the USAF’s blackbird scout, or 14 times faster than an F-16, hardly the speed of light.

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 11:17 am | Reply

  35. …and only 1.16 times faster than a minuteman ICBM…

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 11:22 am | Reply

  36. Mr. Agnostic has simply provided us with more proof that the vast majority of helioleftists (or evoleftists I suppose) are laughably underinformed. He refers to Aristotle as a homosexual, an allegation shaky at best, and then goes on to mention the Uranian Newton without any comment on his depravity. Newton spent most of his life – the “wasted” part, according to wacko mathematicians – studying the Scriptures and violating supple-skinned boys (or perhaps being violated by them). While it may be argued that Newton is on our side because of his “fundamental belief in the Bible as the Word of God,” his homo-insanity clearly undermines the instability of scientific thought.

    Comment by S.T. Kelly — May 31, 2007 @ 11:41 am | Reply

  37. That’s “underlines.”

    Comment by S.T. Kelly — May 31, 2007 @ 11:41 am | Reply

  38. “The Earth is supposedly a sphere about a million miles in circumference, yet they can orbit it every 90 minutes. I thought your precious Einstein said objects can’t move faster than the speed of light!”

    This one was gold, Sisyphus!

    A million miles… that’s about how far the real hardcore believers are from a real understanding of science. (Unlike closet parodists such as yourself, who just have fun making them look as bad as possible.)

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 2:04 pm | Reply

  39. “Why don’t the Sun, the Earth and the Moon explode?”

    Because the ether keeps there from being a vacuum in space. Without ether, the Heavenly objects would have to explode to fill the vacuum.

    I hope that clears things up.

    “The speed of light is approximately 186000 miles per second. The earth has a circumference of approximately 24900 miles. I’ll let you do the calculations for how long it would take something to travel round the earth at the speed of light. Unless mathematics is also the work of the devil? You never know, it could be. 1 + 1 = 2 assuming base 10 numbers rather than boolean.”

    Well, if they ever got anywhere near that fast, God would kill them. But even if He didn’t, they’d just travel back in time to a point before their space station was invented, and they’d drown in the ether. So it’s still impossible.

    Thanks for the numbers, though.

    “If astronauts don’t explode, because of the aether, then what would make spaceflight impossible?”

    The water.

    “While it may be argued that Newton is on our side because of his “fundamental belief in the Bible as the Word of God,” his homo-insanity clearly undermines the instability of scientific thought.”

    That’s a good point, Kelly.

    “A million miles… that’s about how far the real hardcore believers are from a real understanding of science. (Unlike closet parodists such as yourself, who just have fun making them look as bad as possible.)”

    I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Ironwolf. Are you feeling alright today? Maybe you should lie down for a while, and take a nap.

    Frankly, I’m a little sleepy, myself, just trying to figure out what you mean.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 2:24 pm | Reply

  40. “The water.”

    Works well, doesn’t it? Thinking up a theory and presenting it as truth without having done any research whatsoever.

    “Because the ether keeps there from being a vacuum in space. Without ether, the Heavenly objects would have to explode to fill the vacuum.

    They have ropes keeping them from being sucked apart in the void of space, while a tennis star, and a woman at that, waits inside to help them. Absurd.

    Any chink in this armor will supposedly suck the cosmonaut through the hole to his agonizing, squishy doom. Yet, they send them into space with gloves that don’t fit correctly. If this story is to be believed…”

    Is there a vacuum or not? Make up your mind!

    “sometimes they probably send them into space with no gloves whatsoever. Yes. You are supposed to believe this.”

    Sources please, when did they ever do that?

    “Space, as we know, is either ether (rendering space flight impossible)”

    The Moon doesn’t seem to have any problem “plowing” through it, so why would a spacecraft?

    “Newton spent most of his life – the “wasted” part, according to wacko mathematicians – studying the Scriptures and violating supple-skinned boys (or perhaps being violated by them).

    While it may be argued that Newton is on our side because of his “fundamental belief in the Bible as the Word of God,” his homo-insanity clearly undermines the instability of scientific thought.”

    Name one 17th century source (that’s right: 200 years before Darwin) that proves Newton was a pedophile!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 3:15 pm | Reply

  41. “Works well, doesn’t it? Thinking up a theory and presenting it as truth without having done any research whatsoever.”

    Well, it fits the evidence.

    “Is there a vacuum or not? Make up your mind!”

    No. There’s only ether up there, and these cosmonauts have never been anywhere near it. If they had been, they’d probably be wearing scuba gear, not “space suits.”

    “Sources please, when did they ever do that?”

    Never, since they’ve never been there. Do you have a reading comprehension problem of some sort, or was my sarcasm not clear? Apologies if it’s the latter.

    “The Moon doesn’t seem to have any problem “plowing” through it, so why would a spacecraft?”

    Try shooting a spaceship into the ocean. More to the point, we’ve never seriously tried to navigate the ether, so we’ll never know.

    “Name one 17th century source (that’s right: 200 years before Darwin) that proves Newton was a pedophile!”

    I know Leibniz didn’t think very highly of him. Maybe it had something to do with this…

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 3:25 pm | Reply

  42. everyone knows that the earth, sun, and moon don’t explode because jesus’ love holds them together. this is simply a fact.

    Comment by honkey magoo — May 31, 2007 @ 3:25 pm | Reply

  43. “everyone knows that the earth, sun, and moon don’t explode because jesus’ love holds them together. this is simply a fact.”

    That holds the Universe together. But also, they’re probably underwater.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 3:41 pm | Reply

  44. “But also, they’re probably underwater.”

    Are you saying the oceans are Jesus’ bladder?

    Comment by rob — May 31, 2007 @ 3:46 pm | Reply

  45. “Frankly, I’m a little sleepy, myself, just trying to figure out what you mean.”

    Ah, I begin to see now: this is closet-parodist-speak for “We all know you’re right, Ironwolf, but can’t you see you’re not keeping things funny enough around here? The purpose of this site is to make fun of the people who really believe half of what we make fun of. If we want the unvarnished truth we’ll go hang out on Dawkins’ web site.”

    Again, sorry to interfere with your games, Siyphus, but you’re setting a bad example for real believers.

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 3:47 pm | Reply

  46. “Are you saying the oceans are Jesus’ bladder?”

    No. I’m saying the ether is an ocean between us and the Sun.

    “Again, sorry to interfere with your games, Siyphus, but you’re setting a bad example for real believers.”

    I only exhort others to read, and obey, the Scriptures. What better example could I possibly set?

    This isn’t a parody site, Ironwolf. Why do people keep saying that?

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:00 pm | Reply

  47. “This isn’t a parody site, Ironwolf. Why do people keep saying that?”

    Why indeed?

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 4:13 pm | Reply

  48. Ironwolf just needs attention. Although his mugging and capering used to be amusing, I find I am growing a tired of them.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 4:14 pm | Reply

  49. DPS,

    Amusing? You found me amusing? Perish the thought! I stand (well, sit actually) before you today as an Atheist for Truth, and nothing but! Any amusement you found in my words in the past has been there purely by accident (if not placed there by your own fevered imagination.) I assure you, I will redouble my efforts to strike the dour and dehumanizing tone befitting a modern helioleftist Dawkinsean Atheist.

    And I smoke babies.

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 4:22 pm | Reply

  50. “Ironwolf just needs attention. Although his mugging and capering used to be amusing, I find I am growing a tired of them.”

    Me, too. Ironwolf, could you please offer some reason for why my idea is implausible? Think about it. If the ether is made of water, that could explain the divergence in calculations using a Helioleftist model. Ripples in the water comprising the ether could distort the Heavens, making it impossible to gauge distances and angles correctly. This could be the solution!

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:22 pm | Reply

  51. “And I smoke babies.”

    I will pray for your soul, treefrog.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:28 pm | Reply

  52. Sisyphus,

    I rather think the ether is composed of strawberry jam, which would account for both the divergence in distance and angles correctly, and the stellar red shift.

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 4:28 pm | Reply

  53. Ah. I get it. Your blog is a joke. Wish I would have caught on sooner.

    Comment by Joe — May 31, 2007 @ 4:29 pm | Reply

  54. “I rather think the ether is composed of strawberry jam, which would account for both the divergence in distance and angles correctly, and the stellar red shift.”

    That wouldn’t explain why the sky is blue, though. On the other hand, I guess it would make extraplanetary exploration more or less impossible.

    Your guess is as good as mine, really. But I’m standing by the idea that it’s water.

    “Ah. I get it. Your blog is a joke. Wish I would have caught on sooner.”

    No. It isn’t. We’re trying to discuss science here, not Three Stooges episodes. What do you think the ether is made of?

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:33 pm | Reply

  55. What if it was made of blueberry jam? Wouldn’t that explain why the sky is blue?

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 4:44 pm | Reply

  56. “I guess it would make extraplanetary exploration more or less impossible.”-Sisyphus

    What if we built a rocket ship out of a giant piece of toast or am I missing something?

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 4:48 pm | Reply

  57. Truly, nothing says “Glory of God” like a firmament of jam embedded with sequins, and plied by flying toastships.

    Or is that my old screen saver?

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 4:52 pm | Reply

  58. “What if we built a rocket ship out of a giant piece of toast or am I missing something?”

    How do we do that?

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:53 pm | Reply

  59. “What if it was made of blueberry jam? Wouldn’t that explain why the sky is blue?”

    It would be a darker blue, probably.

    I really don’t think the ether is made out of jam, though. Jam doesn’t occur in nature, but water does. It’s probably water.

    “Or is that my old screen saver?”

    You’re a strange man, Ironwolf. Or at least, your computer is strange.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:55 pm | Reply

  60. If there are going to be trolls on this site, I at least wish they could talk about something other than jam. Is there any way that comments could be filtered for the word “jam” (and possibly also “jelly”)? I think that would elevate the level of discourse.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 4:57 pm | Reply

  61. “Jam doesn’t occur in nature, but water does.”

    Of course jam occurs in nature— otherwise how do we account for the red shift?

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 4:59 pm | Reply

  62. “If there are going to be trolls on this site, I at least wish they could talk about something other than jam. Is there any way that comments could be filtered for the word “jam” (and possibly also “jelly”)? I think that would elevate the level of discourse.”

    You’re probably right, but I don’t know if I should censor that out. Those words aren’t the worst words people use, and if we censor them they’ll become glamorous. People will start using euphemisms to describe them, and it could all get very lurid.

    Then again, I’ll play it by ear. We always have the option if it gets out of hand.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:59 pm | Reply

  63. “If there are going to be trolls on this site, I at least wish they could talk about something other than jam. Is there any way that comments could be filtered for the word “jam” (and possibly also “jelly”)? I think that would elevate the level of discourse.”

    DPS,

    Are you seriously proposing that this site implement counterjamming technology?

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 4:59 pm | Reply

  64. A thought just occured to me. Flying Saucers look an awfull lot like giant flying bagels. Could it be true that space aliens are really intersteller Jews?

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 5:00 pm | Reply

  65. “Are you seriously proposing that this site implement counterjamming technology?”

    Actually, I’m all for it, if it’ll help get rid of spam, too.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:01 pm | Reply

  66. Also, commenters should not be able to use their D&D character’s name as a pseudonym. It’s vaguely witchcrafty/Satanic and as such not appropriate for children. I don’t know how you would filter for that, though.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 5:01 pm | Reply

  67. DPS,

    Big talk coming from someone who’s cryptic, acronymic name obviously stands for Devil’s Play Space.

    Put that in your pipe and smoke it backwards.

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 5:03 pm | Reply

  68. What if we built a rocket ship out of a giant piece of toast or am I missing something?

    “How do we do that?”

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:53 pm

    Am I expected to think of everything? I will leave the logistics to the theologians to figure out.

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 5:06 pm | Reply

  69. “Also, commenters should not be able to use their D&D character’s name as a pseudonym. It’s vaguely witchcrafty/Satanic and as such not appropriate for children. I don’t know how you would filter for that, though.”

    I suppose I could edit everyone’s comments so that they only have Biblical names. Ironwolf could be Ahab, or maybe Sennacherib. (We could just let people pick their own names, but knowing these treefrogs, every single one of them would want to be God.)

    It’s a pretty cumbersome system, though.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:07 pm | Reply

  70. “Am I expected to think of everything? I will leave the logistics to the theologians to figure out.”

    Manna came DOWN from Heaven. I don’t know if anyone’s thought about how to send it TO Heaven. It’d be an interesting challenge, that’s for sure.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:08 pm | Reply

  71. FYI, it’s “Don’t Pray to Satan.” Would have thought was obvious: what else could it be?

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 5:09 pm | Reply

  72. “…every single one of them would want to be God”

    I call dibs on Jesus.

    Or if that’s not available, then Judas– he got to die in two distinctly different, grossly cool ways.

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 5:10 pm | Reply

  73. “I really don’t think the ether is made out of jam, though. Jam doesn’t occur in nature, but water does. It’s probably water.”
    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 4:55 pm

    With all due respect Sisyphus, I once got into a terrible JAM while stranded in Yosemite National Park with a wanton harlot. If you don’t think that was a jam you should ask my wife and I can’t think of anything that better exemplifies nature than Yosemite. Have you ever been there?

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 5:13 pm | Reply

  74. Leibniz? You gave yourself away Sisyphous.It’s a pity though.I really hoped the blog was real.

    Comment by nordavind — May 31, 2007 @ 5:14 pm | Reply

  75. “FYI, it’s “Don’t Pray to Satan.” Would have thought was obvious: what else could it be?”

    Er…

    Don’t Pee on the Sidewalk?
    Draw Pictures of Satan?
    Donut Pack Sold?
    Dining on a Plain in Spain?

    Hm. I think I’ll just stick with “Devil’s Play Space.”

    Comment by Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 5:16 pm | Reply

  76. “Manna came DOWN from Heaven. I don’t know if anyone’s thought about how to send it TO Heaven. It’d be an interesting challenge, that’s for sure.”
    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:08 pm

    With G-D all things are possible.

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 5:16 pm | Reply

  77. “Or if that’s not available, then Judas– he got to die in two distinctly different, grossly cool ways.”

    It’s a deal. You can be Judas.

    Jesus and God are off-limits, for obvious reasons.

    “If you don’t think that was a jam you should ask my wife and I can’t think of anything that better exemplifies nature than Yosemite. Have you ever been there?”

    No. Why? Does jam naturally ooze down from the mountains or something?

    “Leibniz? You gave yourself away Sisyphous.It’s a pity though.I really hoped the blog was real.”

    Leibniz was a German. He hated Newton. If Newton was gay, Leibniz would be sure to spread the word about it.

    What are you talking about?

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:18 pm | Reply

  78. “With G-D all things are possible.”

    Very true.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:18 pm | Reply

  79. “It’s a deal. You can be Judas.”

    Golly, thanks, anonymous-blogger-with-the-name-from-Greek-mythology!

    Comment by Judas Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 5:24 pm | Reply

  80. “Well, it fits the evidence.”

    When I stick a needle in my skin blood comes out, no matter where I stick the needle, does that mean I’m a walking sack of blood?
    Maybe on appearance, but to be sure you have to do research; RESEARCH!

    “No. There’s only ether up there, and these cosmonauts have never been anywhere near it. If they had been, they’d probably be wearing scuba gear, not “space suits.””

    Suppose you’re right about the water, space suits offer protection against pressure and come with breathing equipment: anything a scuba suit can do, a space suit can do better!

    “Never, since they’ve never been there. Do you have a reading comprehension problem of some sort, or was my sarcasm not clear? Apologies if it’s the latter.”

    So first you use it in an argument, then you admit it wasn’t based on anything, doesn’t that make the argument invalid as well?

    “Try shooting a spaceship into the ocean. More to the point, we’ve never seriously tried to navigate the ether, so we’ll never know.”

    That’s what engines are for, “so we’ll never know”: so you admit you have no idea whether it’s possible or not?

    “I know Leibniz didn’t think very highly of him. Maybe it had something to do with this…”

    Or maybe Newton turned Leibniz down… in any case there’s no point in speculating about it, especially when you present speculations as the truth.

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 5:26 pm | Reply

  81. “Golly, thanks, anonymous-blogger-with-the-name-from-Greek-mythology!”

    How do you know this isn’t my real name? I could be Sisy James Phus, for all you know.

    Then again, your real name could be I. Ron Wolf. Still, you’ll always get to be Judas around here, if that’s what you want.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:31 pm | Reply

  82. “When I stick a needle in my skin blood comes out, no matter where I stick the needle, does that mean I’m a walking sack of blood?”

    Yes. You pretty much are, except for some bones and stuff.

    “Suppose you’re right about the water, space suits offer protection against pressure and come with breathing equipment: anything a scuba suit can do, a space suit can do better!”

    Not without gloves, it can’t! If there’s a leak, the water will rush right up into the guy’s helmet and drown him.

    “So first you use it in an argument, then you admit it wasn’t based on anything, doesn’t that make the argument invalid as well?”

    No. I was assuming their positions arguendo, then demonstrating their fallacies. This is pretty standard rhetorical technique. Has been for centuries, really.

    “That’s what engines are for, “so we’ll never know”: so you admit you have no idea whether it’s possible or not?”

    They don’t send them into the ether, so they must know how dangerous it really is.

    “Or maybe Newton turned Leibniz down…”

    That’s very, very possible. Perhaps even likely. I’m not a Leibniz fan either, mind you. His monadology is flagrantly anti-Christian. My guess is that he’s roasting in Hell right alongside Newton right now. Then again, it’s up to God, so who knows?

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 5:35 pm | Reply

  83. […] If I ever gave these guys the benefit of the doubt as to their sincerity, that’s all gone now. (My comments start at around #31.) This site is definitely parody, although they won’t cop […]

    Pingback by Ironwolf » Blog Archive » Arguing with Biblical Literalists — May 31, 2007 @ 5:41 pm | Reply

  84. You’re wobbling on the wrong side of the fine line between fine satire and cartoon parody. Need to tone down the crazy a bit before I can go back to pretending this is for real.

    Comment by Curious — May 31, 2007 @ 5:45 pm | Reply

  85. That’s not fair! He makes one little comment about smoking babies and he gets to be Judas? Then I get to be Satan! I have earned it!

    “I’m not a Leibniz fan either, mind you.”

    Neither was Voltaire, the filthy atheistic Frenchman. Are you sure you’re an authentic conservative, Sisyphus?

    Comment by HTML Mencken — May 31, 2007 @ 5:50 pm | Reply

  86. “Don’t P** on the Sidewalk” is an acceptable alternative, not to mention a good rule of thumb.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 6:01 pm | Reply

  87. “You’re wobbling on the wrong side of the fine line between fine satire and cartoon parody.”

    —Doing our bit to tip the cows of fine satire into the pigsty of cartoon parody since 2007.

    Comment by Judas Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 6:03 pm | Reply

  88. “Then I get to be Satan! I have earned it!”

    If you really want it, it’s all you. Go ahead.

    I pity you both.

    “Need to tone down the crazy a bit before I can go back to pretending this is for real.”

    I apologize for the levity. External personal matters have intruded.

    “Neither was Voltaire, the filthy atheistic Frenchman. Are you sure you’re an authentic conservative, Sisyphus?”

    Stalin didn’t like Hitler, but just because we agree with him there doesn’t mean we’re all Communists.

    Comment by Sisyphus — May 31, 2007 @ 6:19 pm | Reply

  89. I love how the Leftists here can’t argue Sisyphus’ points; instead they immediately attack his character and impugn his integrity (and, by extension, all of the conservative commentors here). Typical liberal behavior; they’re all for “tolerance” and “diversity,” but only within the narrow confines of their ideological agenda.

    Comment by Donatello — May 31, 2007 @ 6:47 pm | Reply

  90. Anyway, you’re all wrong!

    What we see in the sky is this:

    The celestial spheres surround the Earth, through the holes in them we can see the light from above, we see this as stars.

    The Sun is actually the skyship of our lord Amon-Ra, who is deadlocked in eternal battle with some nasty serpent-god called Apophis in his lunar-skyship, when we see the Sun set, it’s actually Amon-Ra leading his armies from his skyship towards the underworld (under the Earth-disk) where Apophis is waiting for him, luckily for us, our lord always defeats the serpent who then retreats (the rising moon)!

    I don’t doubt this, my faith in the holy Book Of The Death will not be compromised by some fag-loving/tree-hugging/marxist “scientists” who claim the world is round!

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 6:50 pm | Reply

  91. Skeptic @ 90:

    1). Don’t be sarcastic. It’s unseemly.

    2). The preferred term is “sodomite-loving.” Children read this blog, you know.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 7:06 pm | Reply

  92. Sarcastic? Do you know what an insult that is? Who are you to ridicule my gods?
    Blasphemers like you have been smitten for less…

    Comment by Skeptic — May 31, 2007 @ 7:10 pm | Reply

  93. 2). The preferred term is “sodomite-loving.” Children read this blog, you know.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 7:06 pm

    DPS is right. We must strive to always be as sodomitically correct as possible. Children may be present.

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 7:23 pm | Reply

  94. 2). The preferred term is “sodomite-loving.” Children read this blog, you know.

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 7:06 pm

    DPS is right. We must strive to always be as sodomitically correct as possible when children are involved.

    Comment by snark editer — May 31, 2007 @ 7:26 pm | Reply

  95. I think the correct spelling is sodomatically by the way.

    Comment by snark editer — May 31, 2007 @ 7:31 pm | Reply

  96. Personally, I’m quite smitten with this blog.

    Comment by Judas Ironwolf — May 31, 2007 @ 7:34 pm | Reply

  97. The water has to be blue for a reason. My own pet theory: because the sky is blue.

    Comment by ken — May 31, 2007 @ 9:14 pm | Reply

  98. ken @ 95

    “The water has to be blue for a reason. My own pet theory: because the sky is blue.”

    Then why isn’t ken blue? (assuming you’re not, ken…)

    Comment by DPS — May 31, 2007 @ 10:21 pm | Reply

  99. Interesting, so you are saying that the reason we have deep blue oceans is because the water reflects the color of the sky which gets it’s blueness from the bluebery ether. [perhaps not real blueberry jam as Sisyphus points out but only a lighter colored blueberry jamlike substance] Food for thought.

    You bring value to our discussion Ken, welcome.

    Comment by ec1009 — May 31, 2007 @ 10:33 pm | Reply

  100. Since water is sky and the sky is blueberry jam, rocks are crystal meth and jimi hendrix is a kgb agent, excuse me while I eat the sky…

    Comment by Mr Agnostic — June 1, 2007 @ 1:59 am | Reply

  101. Wasn’t the moon made out of cheese?

    Comment by littleandy — June 1, 2007 @ 7:20 am | Reply

  102. OUTER SPACVE IS A COMMIE LIE THERE IS N SPACE ITS LIKE SISYPHSU* SATYS!!!

    VOTE BROWNABCK!!! VOPTE BROWNABCK!! VEOT BROWNBACK!!!!

    Comment by Jack Fremont — June 1, 2007 @ 1:17 pm | Reply

  103. Again, Mr. Agnostic shows himself to be uninformed.

    “Rocks,” in the street, refer to crack-cocaine. “ICE” is the proper nomenclature for crystal methamphetamine.

    Comment by S.T. Kelly — June 1, 2007 @ 2:16 pm | Reply

  104. “Wasn’t the moon made out of cheese?”

    Again, I think that was an ignorant Celtic myth.

    Comment by Sisyphus — June 1, 2007 @ 3:52 pm | Reply

  105. God would never make a cheese moon surrounded by blueberry ether. That would be disgusting. God has better taste than that. How dare you insult God littleandy! May you burn in hell.

    Comment by ec1009 — June 1, 2007 @ 5:00 pm | Reply

  106. Did you even go to school?

    Can you answer theese questions:
    If the world isn’t round, how do we have day and night? If we don’t orbit the sun, how do we have seasons? If the world is flat, how come NO ONE has fallen off the edge.

    Of course your answer is “Because ‘God’ makes it so.” Yes. That IS an intellegent answer.

    Comment by Rachel — June 1, 2007 @ 5:49 pm | Reply

  107. Rachel @ 106:

    Explore some of the many posts on the site. I think you will find that all of your questions have already received satisfactory answers.

    And are you sure no one has fallen off the Earth?

    Comment by DPS — June 1, 2007 @ 5:54 pm | Reply

  108. Rachel@106

    Probably no one falls off because when you walk off one side you instantly appear on the other. Kinda like pacman.

    Now anyone know where can I score me some of those magic dots?

    Comment by Mr Agnostic — June 1, 2007 @ 6:35 pm | Reply

  109. Thankfully, the views expressed here and in America’s next president’s breakfast nook are spreading. A band with the spectacular fantastic name of Spectacular Fantastic have a new album out and the hit song is “Outer Space is nothing but a lie.” http://www.spectacularfantastic.net/
    Keep spreading the gospel truth B4B.

    Comment by carsick — June 1, 2007 @ 11:18 pm | Reply

  110. My mistake, it appears Spectacular Fantastic have only named their album “Outer Space is nothing but a lie.” I was mislead on the hit song title. Further investigation is needed. Perhaps that phrase is used in their song “I’m lost.”

    Comment by carsick — June 1, 2007 @ 11:27 pm | Reply

  111. It’s good to hear that Christian music is spreading, carsick. Most of the young people only listen to horrible rap music and evil, Satanic heavy metal.

    Comment by Marcia P. — June 2, 2007 @ 9:50 am | Reply

  112. “Did you even go to school?”

    Mais oui, bien sur. I was home-schooled, but I’ve even been to college after that. In fact, I’d venture to say I’ve been to more school than you have. Certainly, better school.

    “If the world isn’t round, how do we have day and night?”

    The Sun is small, and not very far away; the Earth is a million miles or so at the circumference. How far do you think that light can go?

    “If we don’t orbit the sun, how do we have seasons?”

    See above.

    “If the world is flat, how come NO ONE has fallen off the edge.”

    If they had, how would they tell you about it?

    “Probably no one falls off because when you walk off one side you instantly appear on the other. Kinda like pacman.”

    That’s a good point. There IS gravity in Hell, I’d imagine.

    Comment by Sisyphus — June 2, 2007 @ 10:12 am | Reply

  113. Schools are the devils tool to indoctrinate our children with islamocommieathiesto treefroggery propaganda!!!

    Comment by ec1009 — June 2, 2007 @ 1:46 pm | Reply

  114. Even without access to a complete description of the alleged “incident”, we can use the biased CNN moonbatty summary to see through this concocted occurrence. Space, as we know, is either ether (rendering space flight impossible), or it is empty. If it is empty, why would it have debris in it? Moreover, if empty, why wouldn’t the planets rip themselves apart to fill this void? Nature abhors nothing more than a vacuum. Already, at paragraph one, the lies and inconsistencies in this story evanesce.

    Actually, space is a vacuum with particles and sometimes bigger objects flying or better said, drifting around. Things like meteors or nebulas or, hey, our planet!
    And they don´t rip itself apart because of that neat little thing called gravity. (Gravity can be proven in a simple way: Just throw something up. If you don´t throw it out of earth´s gravitational field or cheat otherwise, it will come back down.)

    Russia, which can’t even hold Chechnya and which only abandoned Communist ludditism 16 years ago, has people in outer space. Yes. You’re actually supposed to believe that.

    Funny that the same Russia (back then called USSR) was the first country to have a man in space. And the first to have a space station (called the Mir).

    They were back home the whole time, so don’t bust out the champagne for them just yet. Moreover, why do spacesuits have gloves? Any chink in this armor will supposedly suck the cosmonaut through the hole to his agonizing, squishy doom. Yet, they send them into space with gloves that don’t fit correctly. If this story is to be believed, sometimes they probably send them into space with no gloves whatsoever. Yes. You are supposed to believe this.

    Why do spacesuits have gloves? Because Mr. Astronaut needs to be able to move his hand. And little inconveniences like this can happen. The glove did not fit 100%. But it held and Mr. Russian is thus still alive.

    They have ropes keeping them from being sucked apart in the void of space, while a tennis star, and a woman at that, waits inside to help them. Absurd.

    1. I think you´re mixing up people. This Mrs. Williams is not a tennis star.
    2. There have been female astronauts for quite a time.

    So the planets are pulled apart. But, they aren’t. Or something like that. Let NASA change its answer!

    Parts of planets. Other planets break down and crumble when their cores expire. And of course, cosmic catastrophies like a sun going nova create quite a lot of debris. (Heck, our solar system has it´s own asteroid belt.)

    How can there be stacks in space? I thought your precious gravity-less vacuum was supposed to make them float away…

    YOu know, normally, the terms stack and bundle and so on are replaceable by each other. The stuff was still secured onto the ISS.

    This is easily one of the strangest/stupidest things ever said.

    Because?

    Yeah, right. The Earth is supposedly a sphere about a million miles in circumference, yet they can orbit it every 90 minutes. I thought your precious Einstein said objects can’t move faster than the speed of light!

    Actually, the circumference is about 48.000 km. That´s a tad bit less than a million miles. And of course, earth is rotating itself, adding to the movement of the station in orbit.

    I wonder how sisiphus explains sattelites. Are they just tacked to the invisible ceiling or what? As I have seen, he´s unsure that the world is flat or not. Well, how does it come that whenever you just set course into one direction, you´ll ultimately end up in the same spot that you have started from?

    Comment by PG — June 3, 2007 @ 6:32 am | Reply

  115. ‘”How can there be stacks in space? I thought your precious gravity-less vacuum was supposed to make them float away…”

    YOu know, normally, the terms stack and bundle and so on are replaceable by each other. The stuff was still secured onto the ISS.’

    This is even worse. Yesterday the Italians were trying to tell us what English words mean, and today it’s the Germans.

    Comment by DPS — June 3, 2007 @ 9:47 am | Reply

  116. “…are you suggesting that these aluminum panels were “stapled” together? Have you ever used a stapler?”

    It seems your ENGLISH isn’t fluent either…

    Comment by Skeptic — June 3, 2007 @ 10:48 am | Reply

  117. So according to this blog virtually everything is a hoax. Some conspiracy then with literally thousands of participants. Do you suppose the conspirators communicate via secret decoder ring and that infiltrators are discovered tortured and summarily executed?

    Just so I understand, Russians are definitively too incompetent to achieve space flight. Somehow space flight is impossible as is space debris. Does this mean Neil Armstrong never walked on the moon?

    Just curious.

    Comment by just wonderin — June 3, 2007 @ 12:38 pm | Reply

  118. “Does this mean Neil Armstrong never walked on the moon?”

    Yes, we’ve already established that.

    Comment by DPS — June 3, 2007 @ 2:19 pm | Reply

  119. Don’t ask to many question, just wonderin, you might get deleted from the matrix!

    Comment by Skeptic — June 3, 2007 @ 4:02 pm | Reply

  120. The US government and the Soviet government found it convenient to lie to people about space travel. They partnered up on this due to mutual self-interest. Getting government employees to lie for them or eat bullets was a fairly simple matter. It’s quite easy to understand, and manifestly what happened. Why are you being so sarcastic about all this?

    Comment by Sisyphus — June 5, 2007 @ 10:15 am | Reply

  121. The Chinese, Iranians, French, Germans, British, Japanese and Indians are in on it as well!

    Comment by Skeptic — June 5, 2007 @ 11:14 am | Reply

  122. Every government has a stake in this scam, Skeptic.

    Comment by Sisyphus — June 5, 2007 @ 11:17 am | Reply

  123. Well, if they all agree with each other, why is there still war?

    Comment by Skeptic — June 5, 2007 @ 11:21 am | Reply

  124. Even if the Soviets agree with our government on covering up the aerospace lies, we still have to kill them. It’s pretty much the only thing we agree on.

    Comment by Marcia P. — June 14, 2007 @ 12:32 pm | Reply

  125. […] The liberal treefrogs would have you believe that this isn’ta hoax:. Two Russian cosmonauts climbed out of the international space station Wednesday to install protective panels designed to shield the orbiting outpost from dangerous … …more […]

    Pingback by Aerospace » Blog Archive » Aerospace - House Panel Recommends Increasing NASA and NOAA Budgets — June 20, 2007 @ 6:22 pm | Reply


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