Homosexuals Are Trying to Kill Me!

Hello, sorry for the extended absence. I will try to write more about it in a few days, but this week has been a nightmare. In the brief time available to me, I’ll tell you what’s happened- homosexuals have been trying to kill me. They got Jack, now they’re coming for me.

It all started last Tuesday morning, when Jack and I were on our way to work. Jack suggested we stop by the package store first, so that he could get a pack of cigarettes. I obliged him, and he came out with a pack of cigarettes and a case of beer. He proceeded to drink three of them as we continued our drive. At around this point, a Volvo containing two men drove past us. The back of the Volvo had a sticker on it in the shape of a triangle, colored like a rainbow. It also had a fish with legs and the word “Darwin” inscribed into it. Jack and I recognized those stickers as indicating homosexuals and Darwinists.

Jack reacted as any patriotic American would. He threw a beer can at the car, and shouted words to the effect of, “God hates fags!” At that point, things got ugly. The men in the other car slowed down so that they were parallel with us, and the passenger stuck his middle finger out at us. He lewdly kissed his finger. Then the driver made a throat-cutting motion with his finger, and they drove off.

I would’ve thought nothing of it, except that later that day I saw two more cars, each with Darwinist or Sodomite propoganda stickers affixed to the rear bumper area. Each car contained men who looked at Jack and I with decidedly hostile looks. Jack’s not the sort of man to take that kind of thing lying down, though. He’d also had a few drinks by this point, and demanded that I let him “take care of some business.” I dropped him off at a tavern where a few of the men had stopped, and went on my way to work.

When I came back a few hours later, I decided to check on Jack. I went into the bar. It was full of men, some of them dressed very indecently. I’ve haven’t been in a bar in many years, though, not since I was a Democrat. I don’t remember what they’re like, but I think I remember more women dressed like prostitutes than this bar had. In fact, I don’t think I saw a woman in the entire place. Anyway, when I asked the bartender where Jack went, and described what Jack looked like, he remembered Jack instantly. He said that I’d just missed him, that he’d been in there drinking for hours with the two men we’d seen on the road. He said that Jack had left with them.

When I told him those men were homosexual, he laughed at me. Apparently, everyone in the bar is a homosexual! I was surrounded by Sodomites. I prayed aloud to Jesus, and ran out of there. From the way everyone was looking at me, I barely escaped with my life. They’ve killed Jack, I’m sure of that. I haven’t seen him at work since that night. I haven’t had much time to go online, and I haven’t been sleeping much. I’m afraid to leave the house. I know the Sodomites know where I live now, and I know one of these nights they’ll come for me. My wife and I have all our guns oiled, loaded, and ready, but that doesn’t do you much good if you’re napping when the time comes, does it?

One thing’s for sure- those homosexuals won’t get me without a fight. Jack was drunk, otherwise he’d have taken some of them out with him. I don’t drink, so I’m twice the man Jack was.

This won’t affect my work for Sam Brownback, but it’s been a harrowing experience. Now I hate the liberals more than ever, for making it so difficult to carry a concealed weapon in this country. When the Sodomites make a move on me, a concealed handgun might be my only chance, yet that’s precisely the thing the treefrogs want to deny me. I think they want Sodomites to snatch up innocent citizens. I think that’s the real reason those laws are on the books.

Anyway, I’ll keep my powder dry and my eyes peeled for now. You won’t catch Sisyphus napping. If I’m slow in responding to people, it means I’m either at work or I’m on guard duty, or I’m sleeping and my wife is manning the perimeter. This is war.