Blogs 4 Brownback

March 11, 2008

Snowboarding Deviant Update

Unsurprisingly enough, the evildoers at Vermont Deathrider have not yet repented of their sinful ways. Despite my repeated prayers and entreaties, which anyone can see numerous times in their comments sections, they continue to ignore the voice of reason, sanity, and hope in Christ.

I mention them again because I feel it is important that as many good Christian folk as possible contact these Vermonters. Saving the soul of one of Satan’s living minions will grant you twice the Blessedness of saving someone who has yet to renounce their humanity and consign their soul to the flames for the cheap thrills of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and snowboarding into a wolf’s maw. I feel confident that if enough of us write into this blog, urging these people to reject Satan and all his works, we can turn them away from the path of damnation.

I cannot perform this Herculean task alone.  I need the help of God, and of God’s flock.  And that means you, brothers and sisters.  Together, we can defeat the scourge of Liberalism, of Satanism, of Communism, of Islamism; together, we can destroy snowboarding and the other works of Darkness.  United we stand, divided we fall.

 Thank you, and good night. 

33 Comments »

  1. If only we could get a computer hacker in there to send them “Accept Christ NOW” messages every time they turn on the computer… If we kept the beeping noise that we will inevitably put on the virus going, they would never be able to get any sleep!

    Comment by bobcorker — March 11, 2008 @ 10:22 pm | Reply

  2. “Despite my repeated prayers and entreaties, which anyone can see numerous times in their comments sections, they continue to ignore the voice of reason, sanity, and hope in Christ.”
    Guess that means your prayers accomplish jack shucks, huh?

    Comment by Elephant Bones — March 11, 2008 @ 10:42 pm | Reply

  3. …nah, I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

    Like getting all the boss trophies in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

    Or racing snails.

    Comment by Tinlion — March 12, 2008 @ 1:23 am | Reply

  4. “Like getting all the boss trophies in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.”
    Man, I really need to get that game. I hear if you unlock all the hidden characters, you get a secret challenger.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — March 12, 2008 @ 11:05 am | Reply

  5. It is really sad to see people literally as well as figuratively tossing themselves into Hell. The snowboarders’ habit of squeezing themselves into tight, revealing, winter clothing and then enthusiastically sliding down a moist, wet slope is nothing more that a simulated public sex act. Jesus only knows the amount of seed split by snowboard spectators servicing themselves in acts of mass depravity.

    Jesus weeps at snowboarding, we should too.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — March 12, 2008 @ 12:18 pm | Reply

  6. “Man, I really need to get that game.”

    Ditto. I can’t wait to play it.🙂

    Comment by La Mona — March 12, 2008 @ 1:11 pm | Reply

  7. “Man, I really need to get that game. I hear if you unlock all the hidden characters, you get a secret challenger.”

    Got him. Pretty good specials, but bad recovery and Final Smash. You need to be literally right next to an opponent for the latter to work, but it’s an instant KO. Pretty much Marth or the Dragoon with a different look.

    Seriously though, I’ve beaten the SSE and unlocked all of the characters (really). SSE’s kinda repetitive, but the cutscenes are awesome. There’s one near the end where the theme music plays; I’m not going to spoil anything, but I effing flipped. Sheer epic win.

    Comment by Tinlion — March 12, 2008 @ 1:31 pm | Reply

  8. I just got the game recently. I just beat Subspace Emissary under Normal difficulty. I only god 76%, but I plan on going for 100. I think Sonics intro in Subspace was pretty cool (not going to give it away).

    ITT: Super Smash Bros Brawl, and all of its awesomeness.

    Comment by The Nobody — March 12, 2008 @ 1:35 pm | Reply

  9. “Together, we can defeat the scourge of Liberalism, of Satanism, of Communism, of Islamism; together, we can destroy snowboarding and the other works of Darkness”

    I just returned for my White Week (I’m not sure if you have it in America or not: it is a one-week-long holiday when we go somewhere in the mountains
    practicing winter sports). I had much fun, even though this year i did not ski, as I do every year. I learned snowboarding instead, and I can tell you there is nothing satanic in it, really. It is indeed pretty fun, after you figured out how to balance, though I must say I prefer skiing.

    @bj tabor: btw, you do not wear tight clothes while you snowboard unless you are not competing (in which you need to be aerodinamic, not “sexy”). I, eg, always whore a jacket and heavy trousers.

    Comment by dandus — March 12, 2008 @ 1:46 pm | Reply

  10. Dandus @ “@bj tabor: btw, you do not wear tight clothes while you snowboard unless you are not competing (in which you need to be aerodinamic, not “sexy”). I, eg, always whore a jacket and heavy trousers.”

    I am glad to learn Danduls that in at lest this one area you Europeans have not sunken into the depraved state as my fellow Americans have. I am ashamed to report that today’s American youth views sport and exercise as nothing more than another venue to flaunt their bodies and to hunt for sex partners. Sadly, snow boarding is no exception. If you haven seen the scenes I have of young men displaying and posturing you would understand.

    Still it is good at lest some are having a good clean time with Jesus’ snow Danduls.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — March 12, 2008 @ 2:43 pm | Reply

  11. BJ, I wasn’t aware that there was such a thing as “tight, revealing winter clothing.” Now, I remember some girls at my high school who wore tight, revealing outfits during the SUMMER, but in my experience with winter sports, the policy is to cover up as much as possible to avoid freezing to death.

    I personally wear my parents’ old ski gear from the 80’s. It’s flattering without being super tight.

    Also, when haven’t young men viewed sports as an opportunity to show off for the ladies? If they’re not showing off to impress women, they’re doing it to impress each other. (“Hey Mike, betcha can’t do THIS!”)

    Comment by L — March 12, 2008 @ 2:47 pm | Reply

  12. What is it with you people and everything being immoral? One would think you’ve never seen a nice tight ass and thought to yourself that you’d like to tap it. We know better😉

    Comment by anonymouslulz408 — March 12, 2008 @ 3:26 pm | Reply

  13. Anon, they don’t even want to have sex with their own spouses. Even though they’re thus violating the command to “Be fruitful and multiply.”

    Also, who is “we?”

    Comment by L — March 12, 2008 @ 3:37 pm | Reply

  14. Hi L, “we” would entail the fortunate few who have been solicited by one of the regulars. These Republicans aren’t real shy about sharing their candy with stangers.

    Comment by anonymouslulz408 — March 12, 2008 @ 3:42 pm | Reply

  15. “It is really sad to see people literally as well as figuratively tossing themselves into Hell. The snowboarders’ habit of squeezing themselves into tight, revealing, winter clothing and then enthusiastically sliding down a moist, wet slope is nothing more that a simulated public sex act. Jesus only knows the amount of seed split by snowboard spectators servicing themselves in acts of mass depravity. ”

    Amen, BJ. Amen.

    “I had much fun, even though this year i did not ski, as I do every year. I learned snowboarding instead, and I can tell you there is nothing satanic in it, really. It is indeed pretty fun, after you figured out how to balance, though I must say I prefer skiing.”

    I will pray for your immortal soul, Dandus.

    Comment by Sisyphus — March 13, 2008 @ 4:28 am | Reply

  16. L @ “Also, when haven’t young men viewed sports as an opportunity to show off for the ladies? If they’re not showing off to impress women, they’re doing it to impress each other. (”Hey Mike, betcha can’t do THIS!”)”

    Showing off for each other is sadly the problem L. It is really is sad to see the countless thousands of young men destroying their lives with this kind of high risk behavior. I personally think snowboarding is the cause of it. Back in the 1950’s people had the sense not to allow snowboarding.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — March 13, 2008 @ 9:09 am | Reply

  17. “Back in the 1950’s people had the sense not to allow snowboarding.”
    Snowboarding wasn’t invented until 1965

    Comment by Elephant Bones — March 13, 2008 @ 10:09 am | Reply

  18. Elephant Bones @ “Snowboarding wasn’t invented until 1965”

    Exactly, only during the liberal and permissive 1960s’ when we started seeing people sexually assaulting each other in the streets in broad daylight did we being to see snowboarding. The link between snowboarding and sexual depravity is crystal clear from snowboarding’s very conception.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — March 13, 2008 @ 12:23 pm | Reply

  19. Amen Brother BJ! It isn’t just water boarding – don’t forget about them snowballing either. Those liberals are addicted to snowballing!

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — March 13, 2008 @ 3:33 pm | Reply

  20. The link between snowboarding and sexual depravity is crystal clear from snowboarding’s very conception.

    Just like the link between outspoken critics of homosexuality and being homosexual themselves, right? Larry Craig, anyone? Oh, doesn’t Marty pray in the closet?

    Comment by Dio Brando — March 13, 2008 @ 3:59 pm | Reply

  21. All good Christian pray in a closet. It is what Christ commands us to do Dio.

    “Matthew 6:5-6
    And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

    That’s Jesus talking Dio.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — March 13, 2008 @ 5:17 pm | Reply

  22. That quote also points to the idea that one should only pray in secret, and never to pray in a repetitious manner.

    Basically, “keep your Jesus in your home, and never pray outside of it”.

    Comment by Dio Brando — March 13, 2008 @ 5:30 pm | Reply

  23. Precisely Dio, and that why we Christians are all in the closet.

    Comment by BJ Tabor — March 13, 2008 @ 7:58 pm | Reply

  24. “Precisely Dio, and that why we Christians are all in the closet.”
    *giggle*

    Comment by Elephant Bones — March 13, 2008 @ 8:42 pm | Reply

  25. Just as planned.

    Comment by Dio Brando — March 13, 2008 @ 10:02 pm | Reply

  26. Anon, while the presence of a–how can I phrase this delicately–sexually liberated woman might endanger my attempts to introduce reason and logic into the minds of the moderators, it will certainly make things…interesting around here. ;p Well met!

    BJ: Men have been showing off for centuries, dear. Again, it’s all about posturing. By making himself look stronger, tougher, and otherwise “better” than other men, a young man hopes to get ahead of the rat race, and to get his hands on a desirable wife. It’s been happening since the beginning of mankind. Get used to it.

    Also, “in the closet” is a very common term for someone who has hidden homosexual tendencies. I recommend you be a bit more careful about using that phrase–unless you really are “in the closet,” in which case I recommend unburdening yourself and confessing it.

    Comment by L — March 14, 2008 @ 9:10 am | Reply

  27. Hey…hey guys, make up your mind, either come in or leave, we can’t have people hanging out on the front porch all night. Neighbors get pissed, ya know.
    O.K. dudes, you need to check out this – http://www.newseoacc.coolpage.biz/design

    It’s impossible!

    Comment by Flamernog — March 15, 2008 @ 1:49 pm | Reply

  28. Those pervert snowboarders haven’t been shot yet?

    Comment by Marcia P. — March 15, 2008 @ 4:45 pm | Reply

  29. Those pervert snowboarders haven’t been shot yet?

    No, now shut the f*ck up and back into the kitchen, b*tch. The menfolk speak.

    Comment by Dio Brando — March 15, 2008 @ 10:04 pm | Reply

  30. Sister Marcia,

    You just ignore that potty-mouth Dio Brando. Obviously cooth is something he was not taught as a child! By the way, dear, Mr. Phillipe has installed the cornice boards in the Gueste Suite at our Hilton Head home and we expect the furnishings to arrive any day now. Daniel and I would love to narrow down a time for you and yours to come up for a visit. Call me!

    Dio Brando,

    You should have your mouth washed out with soap for speaking to a lady like that! I believe you owe Marcia P an apology for that rude outburst, don’t you?

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — March 16, 2008 @ 6:53 am | Reply

  31. “I believe you owe Marcia P an apology for that rude outburst, don’t you?”
    He’s only acting in the interests of Sisyphus.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — March 16, 2008 @ 10:38 am | Reply

  32. You should have your mouth washed out with soap for speaking to a lady like that! I believe you owe Marcia P an apology for that rude outburst, don’t you?

    Shut up, harlot. Lord Sisyphus decreed that God’s plan for our wives are to be in the kitchen making us food, or otherwise be in the bed, preparing for sex in the missionary position for procreational purposes(what a sick and perverted act!).

    So shut up and get back to sandwich-cutting. Again, menfolk speak. Why must you stupid, soon-to-not-be-allowed-to-vote women speak up, when the menfolk already have everything solved? I should slap you, but I am sure your husband is a rightful Christian like Marty McPain, and regularly strikes you with a closed fist across the face.

    Comment by Dio Brando — March 17, 2008 @ 8:33 pm | Reply

  33. I always pray in secret, however my closet is far too cluttered for such purposes. I just let my room mate think I’m masturbating or something.

    Comment by Armand Jean du Plessis de Richelieu — March 18, 2008 @ 11:16 pm | Reply


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