Blogs 4 Brownback

February 20, 2008

Snowboarding is the Capering of Demons

SnowboardingHere in the Hellish region known as New England, hard rains have begun wiping the snows away. The streets are paved in ice, cracking the asphalt beneath the tires of the Volvos and Priuses driven by the local Hippies. My wife slipped and fell on the ice yesterday, severely injuring her leg.

None of this bothers me too much, though. The important thing is that a thaw is occurring. I very much enjoy the departure of the snow. Not that spring is coming, mind you: I’m well aware that we face another two or three months of frigid, bone-chilling unpleasantness. But the absence of snow means the absence of Satan’s sport, snowboarding.

I was never too familiar with snowboarding where I grew up. Decent folk didn’t engage in such activities, and the indecent folk didn’t have enough snow or enough elevation to partake in the shame. However, I had heard of the “sport” from growing up in this country, and by all accounts it is the exclusive purview of deviant Hippies, disgruntled grunge-sters, and marijuana users frustrated by supply shortages. The sport enjoys a very, very poor reputation among Christians for a reason, after all; allegations of its ties to Satanism are nothing new.

In fact, there is substantial evidence that snowboarding is, in fact, the frolic of choice among demons seeking escape from the rigors of damnation. Such demons would likely use the excuse of corrupting the souls of snowboarding teens as a means of gaining access to the chilly pastime for themselves. It is no coincidence that the sport was invented in California, and is widely practiced in Vermont, the most moonbatty states in America, both states well known for bat-ridden mountains containing secret passageways to the netherworld. Demons use California and Vermont as conduits between Hell and the good God-fearing folk who can be found in the 48 American states NOT considered Satan’s domain.

SatanSome snowboarders resist Satan, and attempt to bring purity and faith to the activity. But the overwhelming majority choose to wallow in their iniquities. Backlash has arisen, of course, but what can a few concerned citizens do in the face of Satan’s hordes and willing minions?

Here is a website an astute reader alerted me to a while back, “VTDeathrider.” This is a Vermont-based group of useless hooligans and reprobates, careening down mountain slopes at top speed instead of praying or serving their country in Iraq. Just look at these louts; many of them are too drunk to even continue serving the bidding of their Dark Master, and continue snowboarding with him. I am ashamed to share a nation with these madmen.

I have repeatedly implored the proprietors of that blog to turn aside from Satan and his wicked ways, and to embrace the ways and doings of Christ. My entreaties have been met with a stony silence as these foolish dunderheads continue to post footage of themselves skirting dark, forested, demon-infested mountains; interviews with bikini-clad snowboard enthusiasts; and an overall flagrant disregard for the safety and property rights of others. I include the link that you, my Christian brothers and sisters, may also enjoin these foolish young deviants not to cast aside their immortal souls for a few seconds’ thrill riding a plastic board into a tree or off a cliff, or falling and becoming devoured by wolves and demons. Perhaps our combined efforts may have some effect on them; perhaps not. In any event, God will likely reward you twice as much for saving the soul of a Vermonter as He will for saving the soul of a person who wasn’t born in the realm of Satan.

Fortunately, Satan does not keep his promises. The thrill is fleeting, and death is eternal. As more and more snowboarders find themselves dragged down to Hell by the lies and distortions of the Dark One, America may yet see an end to this fad. America will prevail. America must prevail.

57 Comments »

  1. Way to write an article about how snowboarding is evil, then link to a snowboarding site as a source for an article against snowboarding. you also missed this part in the article:

    *Relax, this article is fiction – the worrying part is that it could so easily not be!

    That article is a parody, this article is a parody, you’re a parody. People like you that are this stupid for real don’t live long enough to marry.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 20, 2008 @ 3:02 pm | Reply

  2. Bless your heart for trying to save these peoples’ souls, Sisyphus!

    If they don’t embrace the Path of Righteousness, we may have to kill them.

    Comment by Marcia P. — February 20, 2008 @ 3:49 pm | Reply

  3. Hackers can add lies to articles, Elephant Bones. You probably put that line in there yourself.

    Comment by Marcia P. — February 20, 2008 @ 3:50 pm | Reply

  4. Under what basis are you basing your assumption that EB is a hacker?

    Comment by Hissho — February 20, 2008 @ 4:29 pm | Reply

  5. Even if the article IS a parody, it’s something Pat Robertson SHOULD have done. I think it says more about Pat Robertson, than it does about the article itself, that he didn’t do it. I’m disappointed in him.

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 20, 2008 @ 4:32 pm | Reply

  6. Do us a favor and break your neck, Sickypuss…..your fictitional woman wouldn’t mind you beeing crippled (you are crippled inside anyway), and we don’t have to read your crappy writewrite over and over again…….you are beginning to be very very boring instead of just dull.

    Comment by Y6799 — February 20, 2008 @ 4:37 pm | Reply

  7. “Do us a favor and break your neck, Sickypuss…..your fictitional woman wouldn’t mind you beeing crippled (you are crippled inside anyway), and we don’t have to read your crappy writewrite over and over again…….you are beginning to be very very boring instead of just dull.”

    There are other blogs for you to troll at, Moxom. If you don’t enjoy reading the Truth, there are plenty of websites full of Copernican lies and Darwinian distortions for you to flee to.

    By the way, my wife is not fictional. She’s more real than you’ll ever be, online troll. She was in a hurry, went outside without strapping her chest down properly, and the resulting effect on her balance made her slip on the ice. She knows she made a mistake, and she won’t do it again.

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 20, 2008 @ 4:42 pm | Reply

  8. “Hackers can add lies to articles”
    If we accept that as a possibility, then everything these guys have ever cited could be false. Their entire site could be a sham! Wait, make that ‘could be a sham’ into a ‘is a sham’

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 20, 2008 @ 6:55 pm | Reply

  9. My wife slipped and fell on the ice yesterday, severely injuring her leg.

    More like you drove a mallet into her leg for daring to go outside. Keep her in that kitchen, leaving only to fornicate to have more children in your bedroom, right? Teach her a lesson.

    Demons use California and Vermont as conduits between Hell and the good God-fearing folk who can be found in the 48 American states NOT considered Satan’s domain.

    Not only do you have zero logic, the Bible doesn’t even mention physical gates. Hell, the Bible makes no mention of the US at all! That must mean it doesn’t exist!

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 20, 2008 @ 7:07 pm | Reply

  10. “My wife slipped and fell on the ice yesterday, severely injuring her leg.”

    I think you don’t have a wife. Enjoy your box of tissues.

    I could continue this, but this article is “tl;dr” material.

    Comment by The Nobody — February 20, 2008 @ 7:56 pm | Reply

  11. If they don’t embrace the Path of Righteousness, we may have to kill them.

    Comment by Marcia P. — February 20, 2008 @ 3:49 pm

    What the hell are you doing out of the kitchen?

    Comment by The Nobody — February 20, 2008 @ 8:01 pm | Reply

  12. You should add a photo of the Mall of the Emirates in Dubai. I was there a year ago. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the satanic influences of the snowboarders had made it to the Middle East. Another reason to turn the entire area into a glass parking lot for “Arabian Disneyland”.

    Comment by Diablo — February 20, 2008 @ 8:29 pm | Reply

  13. Did anyone else but me notice that they explicitly say that the article a parody? Pull the anti-blasphemy earplugs out of your ears so you can hear some sense for once.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 21, 2008 @ 12:08 am | Reply

  14. If they don’t embrace the Path of Righteousness, we may have to kill them.

    As Syphilis once said to his wife before injuring her leg: What did the five fingers say to the face? BACK TO THE KITCHEN, WENCH, THAT’S WHAT!

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 21, 2008 @ 3:21 am | Reply

  15. I don’t know about about Satan but it is surely a sport for idiots. Natural selection at work the Darwinists would say.

    Comment by Roy Ubu — February 21, 2008 @ 2:59 pm | Reply

  16. Snowboarders often partake in yoga, another Satanic activity, and one that Pat Robertson has denounced. So, any time now, we will see him bash it!

    Comment by bobcorker — February 21, 2008 @ 4:35 pm | Reply

  17. It is a sin to defecate, Corksmoker. GOD IS WATCHING YOU, AND HE KNOWS WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 21, 2008 @ 4:50 pm | Reply

  18. you are a douche stop complaining about everything

    oh and bobcorker skaters and snowboarders definitely do not do yoga and its not satanic its a way to relax

    Comment by me — February 22, 2008 @ 9:20 am | Reply

  19. One thing’s for sure, there’s no snowboarding in Guantanamo. Maybe a few of these punks need to spend some time down there.

    Comment by Marcia P. — February 22, 2008 @ 12:47 pm | Reply

  20. I don’t know if Elephant Bones is a hacker or not, but he could be. He certainly is a troll. Helioleftists like him are the reason I don’t post here very often.

    Comment by Marcia P. — February 22, 2008 @ 12:48 pm | Reply

  21. One thing’s for sure, there’s no snowboarding in Guantanamo. Maybe a few of these punks need to spend some time down there.

    Could be the lack of snow. But it’s good to see that you’re taking this site’s advice and remaining stupid.

    Helioleftists like him are the reason I don’t post here very often.

    Who said you could speak, babyfactory? Get back into that blasted kitchen, and leave it to the menfolk to discuss things.

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 22, 2008 @ 1:23 pm | Reply

  22. Not a hacker, computer programming gives me a headache. If I was a hacker, this poor excuse for a blogsite would have been goatse’d already.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 22, 2008 @ 2:04 pm | Reply

  23. “I don’t know about about Satan but it is surely a sport for idiots. Natural selection at work the Darwinists would say.”

    Go tell the Vermont Deathriders that. I bet they’ll ignore you, just like they ignore me when I warn them about their souls.

    “Not a hacker, computer programming gives me a headache. If I was a hacker, this poor excuse for a blogsite would have been goatse’d already.”

    What’s a goatse?

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 22, 2008 @ 2:19 pm | Reply

  24. Go tell the Vermont Deathriders that. I bet they’ll ignore you, just like they ignore me when I warn them about their souls.

    You’re right, Syphilis. People should do nothing for enjoyment. Enjoyment is a sin. We should spend our days murdering anyone who isn’t exactly like you.

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 22, 2008 @ 2:25 pm | Reply

  25. P.S.: What’s a goatse?

    lulz

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 22, 2008 @ 2:25 pm | Reply

  26. “You’re right, Syphilis. People should do nothing for enjoyment. Enjoyment is a sin. We should spend our days murdering anyone who isn’t exactly like you.”

    Hey, you said it, not me.

    “lulz”

    No, really. What’s a goatse?

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 22, 2008 @ 4:11 pm | Reply

  27. Hey, you said it, not me.

    You’ve BEEN saying it. Bomb this, nuke that, murder them, etc.

    You’re attacking snowboarding because you can’t snowboard. Nothing in the Bible says “thou shalt not board snow”.

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 22, 2008 @ 4:49 pm | Reply

  28. “No, really. What’s a goatse?”
    Before you get all butthurt, just remember that you asked for it.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 22, 2008 @ 5:25 pm | Reply

  29. I didn’t know what a goatse is… but now that I do… well, the nicest thing I can possibly say about that is that it looks REALLY painful.

    Comment by Austin — February 22, 2008 @ 7:42 pm | Reply

  30. “You’re attacking snowboarding because you can’t snowboard. Nothing in the Bible says “thou shalt not board snow”.”

    They didn’t NEED to say it back then. People were more sensible than that.

    “Before you get all butthurt, just remember that you asked for it.”

    Oh, Lord.

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 22, 2008 @ 8:47 pm | Reply

  31. They didn’t NEED to say it back then. People were more sensible than that.

    More like they didn’t live in an area where snow was accessible. Also, technology.

    Oh, and people back then had fun. Or are you saying that fun should be abolished? There’s no harm in snowboarding. It’s a board, a slope, and snow. That’s it.

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 22, 2008 @ 8:52 pm | Reply

  32. “Oh, Lord.”
    Yeah, pretty much.

    So Sisyphus, are you against children exercising? With the rising obesity problem in America, we really should accept any sort of physical activity people are willing to partake in. Unless you’d rather have people fat. Is that what you want? Do you want the children of America to be horridly overweight their whole lives? Do you want them to have severe heart problems before they’re 40? Do you want them to get…DIABEETUS?

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 22, 2008 @ 9:36 pm | Reply

  33. Hi, just read this post. Thanks!

    Comment by Serg — February 24, 2008 @ 9:16 am | Reply

  34. OMIGOD I DIDZ NOT NOW DAT SNOWBORDING WAS TEH SAATN, THXX PAL!!!!111OeN!!!

    Comment by John — February 26, 2008 @ 9:11 am | Reply

  35. “More like they didn’t live in an area where snow was accessible. Also, technology.”

    Technology? You think people were too stupid to invent a flat board back then? Come on, they had shields and whatnot. I’m sure deviants tried snowboarding in the past. I’m equally sure they paid the price, either being eaten by mountain lions and wolves and other Hellspawn, or being cut down by their own people for deviating from the ways of virtue.

    “So Sisyphus, are you against children exercising?”

    Depends on the exercise. Snowboarding, fornication, and drug abuse are NOT exercises that are healthy. Attending church youth groups, on the other hand, is both physically and spiritually healthy, and should be actively encouraged by both the family and the local and federal governments.

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 26, 2008 @ 10:17 am | Reply

  36. Technology? You think people were too stupid to invent a flat board back then? Come on, they had shields and whatnot.

    It’s more than just a board, genius. Building one requires a knowledge of physics. Maybe you’re thinking of sledding, because a snowboard requires various parts beyond “plank”.

    I’m equally sure they paid the price, either being eaten by mountain lions and wolves and other Hellspawn, or being cut down by their own people for deviating from the ways of virtue.

    Hey, care to explain where exactly the Bible says “thou shalt not board snow”? I asked this some time ago, and you couldn’t come up with anything.

    Another case of a false Christian trying to ban something he hates by accusing it of being the work of Satan. Newsflash: If snowboarding is the devil’s work, what the hell is a car? A TV? Lightbulbs? In fact, lightbulbs are the most demonic, because everytime you flick a switch, you’re trying to act like God!

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 26, 2008 @ 3:06 pm | Reply

  37. Cars and televisions are miracles from God, Mr. Brando. They serve useful purposes when it comes to saving souls. How many souls has snowboarding saved? It’s cost many a life, and many a soul has gone to its Maker unshriven.

    Comment by Marcia P. — February 26, 2008 @ 3:10 pm | Reply

  38. Cars and televisions are miracles from God, Mr. Brando. They serve useful purposes when it comes to saving souls.

    Cars, that throw away the horses God granted? Television, which spreads liberal lies, and tries to teach your children science?

    How many souls has snowboarding saved?

    I’m sure those who would have otherwise killed themselves or loved ones. Or done drugs.

    Get back to the kitchen, lacks-a-penis.

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 26, 2008 @ 3:25 pm | Reply

  39. “Cars, that throw away the horses God granted? Television, which spreads liberal lies, and tries to teach your children science?”

    When God felt that Man was ready for cars, He granted us this miracle.

    “I’m sure those who would have otherwise killed themselves or loved ones. Or done drugs.”

    The Lord moves in mysterious ways.

    BTW, Marcia and T.D. Gaines-Crockett can post here all they want. Until we’ve won in the drive against womens’ suffrage, we’ll need all the help from women we can get.

    Comment by Sisyphus — February 26, 2008 @ 5:06 pm | Reply

  40. Anyone who claims that they know how a toaster oven works should be executed. Toaster ovens are a gift from God, as is all ‘technology’ (which is for some reason being classified as ‘science’, which by definition we need to ignore). To deny otherwise is to deny God, and to claim one has the same powers as God is blasphemy.

    Comment by bobcorker — February 26, 2008 @ 6:31 pm | Reply

  41. “oh and bobcorker skaters and snowboarders definitely do not do yoga and its not satanic its a way to relax”

    Snowboarding and yoga are similar activities, though. They both involve similar movements of the calves and shoulders. Pat Robertson stated that when you do yoga, you are unwittingly praying to Hindu gods.

    Comment by bobcorker — February 26, 2008 @ 6:33 pm | Reply

  42. “Anyone who claims that they know how a toaster oven works should be executed.”
    Electricity is sent through metal coils inside the toaster oven. Certain metals (such as those in toaster oven coils) are highly resistant to electricity, and due to the resistance, generate light and heat. Since the heat is confined to a restricted area (the area inside the toaster oven), your food is heated.

    I prefer a firing squad, please.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — February 26, 2008 @ 7:25 pm | Reply

  43. You lie, EB. Toaster ovens work only when God’s angels start to scatter themselves on the electric cable line. In addition, the coils absorb the demons fighting the angels. The demons, screaming in pain, die a fiery death. Keep in mind that this is only a theory, but at least I am trying to explain that only the works of the LORD can make a toaster.

    Comment by bobcorker — February 26, 2008 @ 8:02 pm | Reply

  44. BTW, Marcia and T.D. Gaines-Crockett can post here all they want. Until we’ve won in the drive against womens’ suffrage, we’ll need all the help from women we can get.

    No, they can’t. They are to get back to the kitchen, make some sandwiches, and lay down for the menfolk to take.

    Or did you forget?

    When God felt that Man was ready for cars, He granted us this miracle.

    So what about technology that exist before the Bible? Also, God granted humans free will. So why the drive to remove free will?

    They both involve similar movements of the calves and shoulders.

    Lay off the spliffs, Marley.

    You lie, EB. Toaster ovens work only when God’s angels start to scatter themselves on the electric cable line. In addition, the coils absorb the demons fighting the angels. The demons, screaming in pain, die a fiery death. Keep in mind that this is only a theory, but at least I am trying to explain that only the works of the LORD can make a toaster.

    I’ve built similar devices before. So am I the lord?

    Comment by Dio Brando — February 26, 2008 @ 8:56 pm | Reply

  45. “Sisyphus unmistakably overstepped his bounds by considering himself a peer of the gods who could rightfully report their indiscretions” (Edith Hamilton’s Mythology, 312-313)

    Comment by Wojo — February 26, 2008 @ 10:33 pm | Reply

  46. “In fact, there is substantial evidence that snowboarding is, in fact, the frolic of choice among demons seeking escape from the rigors of damnation.”
    I would very muchly like to see this.

    Comment by Armand Jean du Plessis de Richelieu — March 1, 2008 @ 10:58 pm | Reply

  47. “I would very muchly like to see this.”
    Never gonna happen, they don’t consider us worthy of citations.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — March 2, 2008 @ 12:22 am | Reply

  48. I did have something relevant to say here, but at the moment I have to go and try to quell some of the violence, you see there’s an extremely violent war going on between demons and angels out there in my toaster oven and I have to try and stop it before they destroy the world.

    Wish me luck.

    Comment by The One — March 2, 2008 @ 12:41 pm | Reply

  49. Is ordinary skiing still bad? Because I always enjoyed the rush of the wind in my hair as I slid down the snow (which God made) covering the mountains (which God also made). Enjoying the beauty of the natural world (which God has deemed very good–S/He has yet to say any such thing about skyscrapers, television, or any other man-made construction) is not a sin, it’s getting closer to God.

    Also, Bob Corker:
    What of Christian forms of transcendental meditation? Are those now suddenly evil as well? Guess Gregorian chants, which have been used to induce a trance-like state during Christian worship since at least the sixth century, have got to go then. Also, any and all stretching exercises, since stretching one’s muscles is clearly a pagan practice.

    If everything pagans do is evil, why do we eat bread and build with concrete? The ancient Romans did these things long before converting to Christianity, therefore, by your own logic, they are pagan practices and must be condemned.

    Comment by L — March 4, 2008 @ 10:19 am | Reply

  50. And no answers. Guess B4B is afraid to answer the tough questions…

    Comment by L — March 7, 2008 @ 10:25 am | Reply

  51. You lie, EB. Toaster ovens work only when God’s angels start to scatter themselves on the electric cable line. In addition, the coils absorb the demons fighting the angels. The demons, screaming in pain, die a fiery death. Keep in mind that this is only a theory, but at least I am trying to explain that only the works of the LORD can make a toaster.

    If that´s an epic battle, mankind has no reason at all to fear either god or satan. The energy released when toasting some leaves of bread is so low, it couldn´t even harm a human. So by your words 1 human > an entire army of heaven and hell. Especially as everyone with a rudimentary training in electrics can build a makeshift toaster from scrap.

    I do prefer the scintific explanation involving electricity, though.
    PS: Technology has been invented by man, developed by man and created by man. Suck it down, GOD!

    When God felt that Man was ready for cars, He granted us this miracle.

    Or a frenchman with an idea of a mechanical vehicle met a german with an idea of a gasoline engine. (The latter isn´t referred to as Otto-engine without a reason.) They shared some drinks and out came the first car. And from then on, mankinds ability to improve its inventions took over.

    And no answers. Guess B4B is afraid to answer the tough questions…

    They always are.

    Comment by PG — March 8, 2008 @ 12:20 pm | Reply

  52. […] President Bush is making a perfectly valid point: in a nation where the deviant activity known as “snowboarding” is 100% legal, how can he be expected to ban its cousin? Why should worthless snow-Hippies get to […]

    Pingback by Bush Refuses to Ban Waterboarding « Blogs 4 Brownback — March 8, 2008 @ 1:18 pm | Reply

  53. […] President Bush is making a perfectly valid point: in a nation where the deviant activity known as “snowboarding” is 100% legal, how can he be expected to ban its cousin? Why should worthless snow-Hippies get to […]

    Pingback by Bush Refuses to Ban Waterboarding « Blogs 4 Huckabee — March 8, 2008 @ 1:19 pm | Reply

  54. “If that´s an epic battle, mankind has no reason at all to fear either god or satan. The energy released when toasting some leaves of bread is so low, it couldn´t even harm a human. So by your words 1 human > an entire army of heaven and hell. Especially as everyone with a rudimentary training in electrics can build a makeshift toaster from scrap.”

    Stick your hand down a toaster, German, and see what happens. Does your country do that to test manhood, or do Germans just make really crappy toasters?

    “What of Christian forms of transcendental meditation? Are those now suddenly evil as well?”

    For all I know, those could be CINOs. We will have to closely analyse each meditation to see if God really does approve of it. He certainly does not approve of yoga, a Hinduist pasttime that consists of trying to push yourself off the ground using air from your privates. In addition, when females do yoga, they are required to maneuver their arms around their breasts in such ways that they can slide the arms nicely in between them, but can’t get their arms out of them. Any person touching their pee-pee or whatnots for too long are vulnerable to Satanism.

    “Also, any and all stretching exercises, since stretching one’s muscles is clearly a pagan practice.”

    No. Adam and Eve obviously had to stretch when they were in the Garden, by walking. Adam had to stretch his muscles by tending to the land. You can see where I’m going with this one.

    “If everything pagans do is evil, why do we eat bread and build with concrete?”

    God gave bread to people. Pagans stole it from Christians that were becoming too lax about worshiping the LORD. Building with concrete doesn’t drive people to atheism or fornication, so it, too, is fine.

    “The ancient Romans did these things long before converting to Christianity, therefore, by your own logic, they are pagan practices and must be condemned.”

    It may have caused them to convert to Christianity, L. If anything, we need to be bringing more concrete and bread into church, not belittleing God’s creations.

    “Enjoying the beauty of the natural world”

    You can’t do this on a snowboard et al. You aren’t even touching the natural world with anything other than your snowboard/skis/poles, unless you fall down, which is by the grace of God. How can you obey the natural world if you aren’t touching it? If you crash into trees while skiing on purpose, it may just be OK to snowboard. But don’t quote me on this.

    Comment by bobcorker — March 9, 2008 @ 9:36 pm | Reply

  55. “Building with concrete doesn’t drive people to atheism or fornication, so it, too, is fine.”
    You must not have seen some of the cement wonders recovered by excavators of Pompeii. They sorta led to the spread of the term pornography. Those poor Victorians.

    Comment by Armand Jean du Plessis de Richelieu — March 12, 2008 @ 2:37 pm | Reply

  56. “Stick your hand down a toaster, German, and see what happens. Does your country do that to test manhood, or do Germans just make really crappy toasters?”

    Actually, the voltage in any toaster is pretty low. If it’s low enough to be harmless in Europe, where household current is about 100 volts stronger, than it’s pretty harmless here in the States as well.

    “For all I know, those could be CINOs. We will have to closely analyse each meditation to see if God really does approve of it. He certainly does not approve of yoga, a Hinduist pasttime that consists of trying to push yourself off the ground using air from your privates.”

    You obviously have done NO research on yoga. Yoga is simply a set of stretching exercises designed to maintain flexibility. I have no clue where you’re getting that “air from your privates” crap. Not only is it untrue, it doesn’t even make sense.

    “In addition, when females do yoga, they are required to maneuver their arms around their breasts in such ways that they can slide the arms nicely in between them, but can’t get their arms out of them. Any person touching their pee-pee or whatnots for too long are vulnerable to Satanism.”

    1. You’re obviously misinterpreting things, as yoga is the same for both sexes. Men do not have breasts (if they’re in decent shape), therefore, the hands-between-the-breasts thing is a hoax.
    2. Guess everyone who practices good hygiene is Satanist then, because bathing requires cleaning every part of your body.

    “No. Adam and Eve obviously had to stretch when they were in the Garden, by walking. Adam had to stretch his muscles by tending to the land. You can see where I’m going with this one.”

    Could it be, “Quit thinking and get back in the kitchen?”

    “God gave bread to people. Pagans stole it from Christians that were becoming too lax about worshiping the LORD. Building with concrete doesn’t drive people to atheism or fornication, so it, too, is fine.”

    Romans were eating bread BEFORE CHRIST TOO. Several hundred years before Christ, in fact. Ergo, they couldn’t have stolen the idea of eating bread from Christians, because before Christ’s birth, Christianity (i.e., the belief in the divinity of Jesus and His death and resurrection) did not exist.

    Also, concrete was used to build temples to Roman gods, the Colosseum (do some research on it), and nude statues of Roman gods. So no, it doesn’t drive people to atheism–but it has been used for pagan purposes.

    “It may have caused them to convert to Christianity, L. If anything, we need to be bringing more concrete and bread into church, not belittleing God’s creations.”

    1. The conversion to Christianity argument is, by the above argument, invalid.
    2. God only created these things indirectly; viz. S/He created human beings, who in turn invented bread, cooking, architecture, roads, cars, and everything that is not found in Nature.

    “You can’t do this on a snowboard et al. You aren’t even touching the natural world with anything other than your snowboard/skis/poles, unless you fall down, which is by the grace of God. How can you obey the natural world if you aren’t touching it? If you crash into trees while skiing on purpose, it may just be OK to snowboard. But don’t quote me on this.”

    1. Enjoying the beauty of Nature can also be done with one’s eyes, which are not in any way hampered by winter sports.

    2. You’re also separated from your surroundings by your boots and clothing, but I highly doubt it is comfortable or appropriate to engage in skiing, or any other outdoor sport for that matter, in the nude. Quit splitting hairs.

    3. If your idea of “enjoying” something requires touching it, I never want to come within 500 yards of you or your house. That sounds kinda creepy.

    4. Skiing involves traveling at speeds up to 60 mph. If you crash into a tree while skiing, you are guaranteed to end up very severely injured, if not dead. I am not suicidal, so no, I don’t go crashing into trees.

    Comment by L — March 12, 2008 @ 3:14 pm | Reply

  57. Ah, reading posts like this make my day brighter… I feel so smart now. You guys do realize that the only people who take you seriously are stoned housewives and overambitious nutcases, right? The people who believe this crap are idiots. At this rate, your precious Sam Brownback will never become president.

    Offending the people who live in California is SURE to get you in trouble. Arnold will shoot you in your sleep. ;D

    Comment by CJ Blackwing — March 16, 2008 @ 4:48 pm | Reply


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