Blogs 4 Brownback

January 28, 2008

Florida Primary Open Thread [Updates]

FloridaIt’s nearly the Florida primary, so it’s time make those predictions once again. Unless Satan intervenes the results should be as follows:

  1. McCain
  2. Romney
  3. Huckabee

There have been several unconfirmed reports of animal sacrifice and blood rites being performed in the panhandle state. Sources tell me that Mitt Romney signs were found nearby a number of these sites where clandestine pagan ceremonies were held in the dark of night. So evidence suggests there are a lot of appeals to Satan to throw this race to Mittens. We shall see.

Interestingly, G-d has already retaliated by smiting the false prophet of the Mormon Church, one Gordon B. Hinckley, who Mormons believe is, or rather was, a living prophet of G-d here on earth. I have read that the chameleonic candidate plans to attend the mysterious funeral, since the Mormon Church is more important to him than even America. Mitt reveals where his loyalties truly lie by making a false idol of this now dead “prophet.”

Also the transvestite and gay voters may have been underpolled, so Giuliani just might pull a third place showing. The moonbat and tin foil hat vote has been over polled in the past. So I suspect that Ron Paul will be dead last. That would be a good thing.

Oh yeah, I nearly forgot about the detestable Demoncrats.

  1. Hilldog
  2. Osama
  3. Silky Pony

Predictions anyone?

Update: With less than 1% reporting (7:25pm EST):

  1. McCain 29%
  2. Romney 28%
  3. Giuliani 18%
  4. Huckabee 18%
  1. Hilldog 58%
  2. Osama 21%
  3. Breck Girl 17%

Update 19: Florida primary results:

With 62% reporting (9:27pm EST) (all polls have closed):

  1. McCain 36% [x]
  2. Romney 32%
  3. Giuliani 15%
  4. Huckabee 13%

With 62% reporting:

  1. Hilldog 51% [x]
  2. Osama 32%
  3. Breck Girl 15%

Update 20 (Final Update): Florida primary results:

With 69% reporting (9:41pm EST) (all polls have closed):

  1. McCain 36% [x]
  2. Romney 32%
  3. Giuliani 15%
  4. Huckabee 14%

With 69% reporting:

  1. Hilldog 50% [x]
  2. Osama 32%
  3. Breck Girl 15%

Barring any surprises, Florida has done the right thing by rejecting the Mittens. Thank you, Florida.

— Psycheout

25 Comments »

  1. Dear Psycheout,

    Surely the Lord Will be done and Reverend Mike Huckabee will open the eyes of those perfectly dreadful people in Florida. As if they don’t have enough troubles with all of the Mexicans down there, they certainly do not need to add a Mormon or a geriatric Rhino to their woes. That said, it is in His hands and He alone will make that decision. Praise!

    God Bless you! God Bless America! America Bless God!

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — January 28, 2008 @ 8:22 pm | Reply

  2. I still think that McCain stole South Carolina, and Mitt Romney’s banking buddies rig the polls. So, Huckabee is the natural candidate of God, but Satan and Mitt Romney are trying to stop him. Brownback, of course, will arise once Huckabee must go fight demons, and he shall become monarch of this great nation, and his family’s lineage leading us until the Rapture.

    Comment by bobcorker — January 28, 2008 @ 8:26 pm | Reply

  3. How could I forget this? Any man who names his dog after an Islamoreefer does deserve to be executed. Buh bye, Arby’s Mitt.

    Comment by bobcorker — January 28, 2008 @ 8:32 pm | Reply

  4. Haha! Your favourite candidate is dead last! Sucks to be you, troll!
    In b4 I’m a dirty godless liberal.

    Comment by The Nobody — January 28, 2008 @ 8:37 pm | Reply

  5. “Sucks to be you, troll!”

    I’m not a parodist. Parodists are the kinds of people that should be publicly executed with the guillotine.

    “Your favourite candidate is dead last”

    No, you are. Sam Brownback has many supporters, as does Huckabee. Your Nazi president, Ron Paul, is slipping in poll numbers every day, now that people are realizing that he’s a 9-11 ‘Truther’. Rudy is going to be dropping out tomorrow, I predict. That makes me smile!

    Comment by bobcorker — January 28, 2008 @ 9:09 pm | Reply

  6. “As if they don’t have enough troubles with all of the Mexicans down there”

    Mexicans? In Florida? you mean…CUBANS?

    Comment by Dio Brando — January 28, 2008 @ 9:36 pm | Reply

  7. Actually Ron Paul will probably come in last. He’s by no means my favourite (sic) candidate, dummy. But then, you’re nobody, so nobody cares.

    Comment by Psycheout — January 28, 2008 @ 9:53 pm | Reply

  8. Mitt’s way up in recent polls.

    Comment by relee — January 28, 2008 @ 10:31 pm | Reply

  9. “As if they don’t have enough troubles with all of the Mexicans down there”
    Way to mistake Cubans for Mexicans. Next you’ll be telling us that Australians are taking over Nebraska.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — January 28, 2008 @ 10:56 pm | Reply

  10. Way to mistake Cubans for Mexicans.

    Culturally and ethnically, they’re very similar.

    Comment by relee — January 28, 2008 @ 11:41 pm | Reply

  11. “Culturally and ethnically, they’re very similar.”
    Yes, but either would be upset if you mistook them for the other.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — January 29, 2008 @ 2:13 am | Reply

  12. Take it from me: pagans vote democrat

    Comment by kat — January 29, 2008 @ 4:09 am | Reply

  13. “Culturally and ethnically, they’re very similar.”
    Yes, but either would be upset if you mistook them for the other.

    Not that either would know what in the blazes you were saying. I boycotted Florida after I took the family to Walt Disney World and a Donald Duck came up to us for a picture and couldn’t understand a lick of English. No english por favor my rear end.

    Comment by Buttero — January 29, 2008 @ 5:51 am | Reply

  14. it’s interesting how you idiots change your loyalties more often than you change your underwear. First Brownback, then Huckabee, then Romney (now he’s evil) and who is it now?

    After the election is over and we have a new (Democratic) president I’m sure you dingbats will come back and say “that’s who we were for all along”

    Comment by Arn — January 29, 2008 @ 6:37 am | Reply

  15. If Huckabee doesn’t win, I will weep for America’s future.

    Comment by Sisyphus — January 29, 2008 @ 9:17 am | Reply

  16. That monkey felching, gonad-faced poltroon Iain Robertson has predicted that England will win on Saturday.

    Bollocks to him……………I hope his knob drops off and he gets cancer !

    In Alex popham’s name !

    Comment by Albert Steptoe — January 29, 2008 @ 9:29 am | Reply

  17. There have been several unconfirmed reports of animal sacrifice and blood rites being performed in the panhandle state.

    -Pyscheout

    That’s because they NEVER HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by TrogdortheEnlightened — January 29, 2008 @ 1:08 pm | Reply

  18. I still refuse to take this blog seriously. It’t still a hoax, and you still fail.

    Comment by The Nobody — January 29, 2008 @ 2:12 pm | Reply

  19. Personally I do not trust Floridians to make a well informed decision about anything, much less something as important as electing the President of the United States of God. Given that 70% of the population is over 80 and has Alzheimer’s or some other sort of vascular dementia that old people get, and 25% arrived in the Sunshine State via an inner tube, there really isn’t anyone left who is qualified to vote down there.

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — January 29, 2008 @ 2:42 pm | Reply

  20. “Personally I do not trust Floridians to make a well informed decision about anything, much less something as important as electing the President of the United States of God. Given that 70% of the population is over 80 and has Alzheimer’s or some other sort of vascular dementia that old people get, and 25% arrived in the Sunshine State via an inner tube, there really isn’t anyone left who is qualified to vote down there.”

    Don’t forget the employees of those Satanic amusement parks in Orlando, the harlots on the beaches, and anyone at “Dirty Dick’s Crab Shack”. That brings it up to about 95%, or so. The old people probably just fall on the “Republican” button, and don’t really mean it. The AARP is an evil organization whose members must be euthanized.

    Comment by bobcorker — January 29, 2008 @ 3:21 pm | Reply

  21. “The old people probably just fall on the “Republican” button, and don’t really mean it. The AARP is an evil organization whose members must be euthanized.”

    How right you are. Any organization that prides itself on obtaining discounts and benefits for the geratric set who wasn’t smart enough to plan ahead is nothing short of demonic.

    Comment by Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett — January 29, 2008 @ 3:30 pm | Reply

  22. “If Huckabee wins, I will weep for America’s future.”

    Comment by Sisyphus

    Fixed!😀

    Funny thing, Mrs. Crockett (your husband’s Disney movie was really awesome by the way. More movie stars should wrestle bears!)–most conservatives respect their elders! Apparently, you’ve forgotten that.

    …Wait a minute, isn’t Crockett the one who runs that “Let ME cast the first stone” site? I seem to recognize her picture.

    Comment by L — January 31, 2008 @ 8:53 am | Reply

  23. Correction. It’s that Barnes woman who says “Let ME cast the first stone” (a clear instance of blasphemy, as only Christ and His mother are totally sinless). I know this because she comments frequently on Crockett’s blog, and is apparently not condemned for sullying said blog with her presence.

    Comment by L — January 31, 2008 @ 9:26 am | Reply

  24. “The AARP is an evil organization whose members must be euthanized.”
    Absolutely! I’ve always been a proponent of grinding up old people into fuel. This would not only solve our problems with Social Security, but it would also drive down our dependence on foreign gas, thus bringing down gas prices. That’s killing two birds with one stone!

    Comment by Elephant Bones — January 31, 2008 @ 10:52 am | Reply

  25. “Absolutely! I’ve always been a proponent of grinding up old people into fuel. This would not only solve our problems with Social Security, but it would also drive down our dependence on foreign gas, thus bringing down gas prices. That’s killing two birds with one stone!”

    I know you’re trying to be sarcastic, but that is actually a BRILLIANT idea, EB!

    Comment by bobcorker — January 31, 2008 @ 5:08 pm | Reply


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