Blogs 4 Brownback

December 19, 2007

Silky Pony, Say It Isn’t So!

Nice shave, Silky Pony!John Edwards, the Silky Pony, may have just sunk his long-shot Presidential campaign, Gary Hart style, with his extracurricular stud service. Apparently he knocked up some broad while campaigning for President. The young lady has come forward to tell all about her bun in the oven, which will likely ruffle the Breck Girl’s neatly brushed hair.

The woman linked to Presidential candidate John Edwards in a cheating scandal is more than six months pregnant and telling a close confidante that Edwards is the father of her unborn child, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

John Edwards Love Child

The NATIONAL ENQUIRER’s political bombshell comes just weeks after Edwards emphatically denied having an affair with Rielle Hunter, who formerly worked on his campaign.

But The ENQUIRER has now confirmed not only that Rielle is pregnant, but she is also living in Chapel Hill, N.C. in a gated community, just a few streets away from Andrew Young, who has been a key official in Edwards’ campaign.

Looks like Edwards has chosen paternity over the Presidency. Good luck, John!

See also: Coverage by Death by 1000 Papercuts and Doug Ross.

Update: There’s a rumor circulating that this story was leaked by the Edwards campaign to make Johnny seem more masculine and less gay. Developing….

Update 2: Curiouser and curiouser:

WASHINGTON (AP) – Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards said Tuesday that he had sex with a campaign staffer to learn more about dating and relationships and their connection to poverty in the United States.

Edwards won’t disclose how many times he had sex with Rielle Hunter, or if she is the only one with whom he has had sex. Edwards also declined to comment on the question of whether he has only had sex with women.

“It was primarily to learn, but the sex was a good thing, too,” the 2004 vice presidential nominee said in an interview with The Associated Press.

Shocking.

— Psycheout

18 Comments »

  1. Uh, maybe you don’t know this yet, but the National Enquirer has never actually covered a REAL story, nothing in that tabloid has any grasp with reality.

    Comment by TrogdortheEnlightened — December 19, 2007 @ 8:17 am | Reply

  2. Now, before any comments start getting out of hand here, let me slay your predicted Words of Mass Destruction with a pre-emptive strike (Thank you, Lord Jesus, for George W. Bush):

    Leave Brother Psycho alone!

    You are all anti-Christians! Yes, you heard me: ANTI-CHRISTIAN! What Brother Psycho and I know is that after years of conditioning we Christians have learned it is so much easier to believe things we are told rather than seek the truth out for ourselves! (Lord only knows where something like THAT would lead us!) As all good Christians know: who better to tell us these unsubstantiated rumors than a widely-respected unimpeachable source as the National Enquirer (For us Christians it’s like the Bible but with illustrations to go along with all the sex stories).

    True Christians want to be told what to believe! They want to be led around. (why do you think sheep are such prominent symbols in our religion?) “Free-will”, “independent thought”, “proven truths”: these are terms the devil uses. I will not be a slave to facts! After years of chanting the mantra “If the Bible says it, I believe it in spite of lack of evidence or evidence to the contrary”, I find it is so easy to say “If the National Enquirer says it, I believe it in spite of lack of evidence or evidence to the contrary.” Try it, you’ll see.

    Go on.

    There, isn’t that better? Now that you are in a relaxed state I have some Kool Aid for you to drink.

    Comment by GodisOne — December 19, 2007 @ 9:46 am | Reply

  3. One of these days they’ll use a source that is reputable and credible.
    And that will be the day the world ends.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — December 19, 2007 @ 12:14 pm | Reply

  4. Oh Lord, you’re basing a post on an Enquirer article, the same magazine that claimed to have found Natalie Halloways body a dozen times, and just recently claimed the case was solved, even though the truth is she was never found and the case was closed unsolved. They tend to make up stories about everyone and post totally unrelated photos to go with the stories. So it’s fitting that you would cite them as your evidence, they are just like you, pathological liars.

    Comment by Arn — December 19, 2007 @ 2:40 pm | Reply

  5. You guys just don’t get it, do you? Spreading an unsubstantiated rumor is practically the textbook definition of “Christian charity.” You Philistines!

    Here, let me show you how it works. Let’s see… I know: look at the top of this webpage. See the picture of Sen. Brownback (praise Jesus!)? You know how that was taken? The Senator was sitting there, minding his own business (“waiting for my close up, Mr. DeMille”), when a self-centered publicity-seeking American flag suddenly thrust itself in front of the camera. True: It’s understandable: all American flags want their pictures taken wrapped around Sen. Brownback (Praise Jesus!) but, really, this one was a bit pushy. Anyway, so Sen. Brownback (Praise Jesus!) flicked his Bic and burned a hole in the flag so he can be seen through it. Don’t believe me? Look at it! It must be true because it kinda sorta looks like it is!

    Okay, now that’s the rumor. Of course there’s no proof but I don’t need any: after all, if there was any proof it wouldn’t be a rumor would it? I just have to want to believe it’s true, and possess the will to spread it around like manure. That’s the Christian thing to do. Why? Because that is exactly how we are taught to the Bible. No facts, no proof. Just sit down, shut up, let me pour it all into your head, and whatever you do don’t use your God-given brain to think about it. I swear: there is no better training ground for spreading and believing unprovable information than Sunday School.

    So the next time you spread a lie, smear someone’s good name, or pass on some gossip, think of how it makes Baby Jesus smile. We do it in His name.

    Merry Christmas and God Hates Crabs!

    Comment by GodisOne — December 19, 2007 @ 7:19 pm | Reply

  6. waiting for my close up, Mr. DeMille

    G-disOne, you have good taste in movies. Sorry to have doubted you, but you do come across as a tad sarcastic. I guess I mistook irony for sarcasm. Sorry about that.

    Carry on.

    Comment by Psycheout — December 19, 2007 @ 7:26 pm | Reply

  7. Godisone, you’ve been reading these things longer than we think haven’t you? You picked up on the M.O. of these folks real quick like. Kinda brings their stupidity right up front where it belongs, good job🙂

    [Ed Note: Yes, congrats SatanisOne. You’re being praised by a dirty hippie. Cherish this moment. But don’t forget the flea bombs. And the carpet fresh.]

    Comment by Arn — December 19, 2007 @ 8:44 pm | Reply

  8. This is merely a campaign strategy on Edwards part. Ever since the hellish 8 years that the US was held hostage by the tyranny of Clinton/Gore, the Dems have been trying to recreate the magic that Billy Boy had. Little do they realize it took a pact with Satan and a couple of murders that were covered up. Edwards is just fabricating his own sex scandal to try and recreate the buzz that Billy got with his deviant behavior. See, this is what happens when the president got away with impeachable sex crimes, the deviants assumed this was tolerable behavior that the American Public wants. More proof the Dems have no idea what the America needs.

    Comment by Diablo — December 19, 2007 @ 10:04 pm | Reply

  9. I like how Diablo assumes he can speak on behalf of the Democrats. It’s cute, really.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — December 19, 2007 @ 10:48 pm | Reply

  10. Makes more sense than a man trying to hide a love child even though he is being followed and covered 24/7 as he runs for President. Either he is a complete moron or this is a calculated, abet misguided, political move. A complete shame our media is so controlled by the liberal elite that we have to turn to the National Enquirer for in depth political coverage. Another important story covered up…

    Comment by Diablo — December 19, 2007 @ 11:13 pm | Reply

  11. “Either he is a complete moron or this is a calculated, abet misguided, political move.”
    Or maybe, I don’t know, the Enquirer JUST MADE THE WHOLE THING UP?
    Seriously, that’s my first guess, considering it’s a TABLOID.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — December 19, 2007 @ 11:40 pm | Reply

  12. “[Ed Note: Yes, congrats SatanisOne. You’re being praised by a dirty hippie. Cherish this moment. But don’t forget the flea bombs. And the carpet fresh.]”

    Thanks for the heads-up, Brother Ed Note (if that is your real name). But I can handle him. He’s just trying to make me think. Well, let him try! What he doesn’t realize is you, Ed, and I both vowed that the moment we became Christian conservatives WE WOULD NEVER USE OUR BRAINS AGAIN!

    So go ahead, Not-my-Brother Arn! Use all the similes, witty reportage, light banter, sarcasm, withering retorts, deep analysis, knock-knock jokes, and thought-provoking Socratic dialogue you want. I can assure you that, as loyal Christian conservatives, Ed (if that is his real name) and I will have no idea what you’re talking about! The jokes on you! That’ll show you!

    God Hates Crabs!

    Comment by GodisOne — December 19, 2007 @ 11:59 pm | Reply

  13. Mr Bones, While I think we all agree that the National Enquirer is a tabloid, they do have a track record of uncovering some interesting political stories over the years. In 2001, they discovered that Rev. Jesse Jackson had an illegitimate child and they were the first to break the Monica/Bill Clinton scandal. Of course they have been sued numerous times for libel and they often carry stories of dubious origin, no one is arguing that fact. Often times, the fringe media are the only ones willing to investigate a story before it gets big. The major media corporations are too afraid to lose their access to the candidates.

    Comment by Diablo — December 20, 2007 @ 12:05 am | Reply

  14. Maybe, but I wonder what their ratio is of stories written to stories discovered to be true? I thought someone as smart as you would know better, Diablo. Until more proof is presented that supports their claims, I refuse to believe them.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — December 20, 2007 @ 12:57 am | Reply

  15. “One of these days they’ll use a source that is reputable and credible.
    And that will be the day the world ends.”

    Comment by Elephant Bones

    “‘SECOND COMING OF JESUS SIGHTE–‘
    Oh dear.”

    As for your use of the National Enquirer, I’m not about to believe any of their stories, especially after the badly-Photoshopped “MAN FINDS MERMAID IN TUNA SANDWICH.”

    As the old fable goes, “Even the truth is not believed from one who often has deceived.”

    Comment by L — December 20, 2007 @ 11:56 am | Reply

  16. Couldn’t have said it better myself, L.

    Comment by Elephant Bones — December 20, 2007 @ 10:57 pm | Reply

  17. […] We’re not saying we believe rumors and innuendo about scandals, mind you. Only that we’re keeping our ears open. –Blog 4 Brownback: Silky Pony, Say it Ain’t So […]

    Pingback by John Edwards, Rielle Hunter Love Child Scandal: 10 Things We Know | DBKP - The Worldwide Leader in Weird — May 7, 2008 @ 12:43 pm | Reply

  18. August 2008
    John Edwards admits Enquirer Story fundamentally correct.

    Comment by Anna — August 11, 2008 @ 11:22 am | Reply


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