I don’t know how often many of you think about platypusses in the course of a given day. Personally, I try not to. They make me shudder every time I do, like the hand of Evil itself swept across my soul. Platypuses are one of Satan’s minions on Earth. The species has no relation to God whatsoever. God makes no such junk. Platypusses are either varmints native to Hell, or are actually demons in animal guise. Even Darwinists can’t agree on the little critters, which is a very bad sign:
According to evolutionists, the oldest fossil platypus of the genus Ornithorhyncus is only 100,000 years old, but remains of similar species have been found species in Cretaceous formations, with an age estimate by evolutionists at 110 million years
Platypusses demonstrate their evil in a number of ways. It is very clear that their unnatural rodent ancestors had carnal relations with duck. It is equally clear that their duck ancestors had unnatural relations with rodents. Where Satan gave this unholy hybrid a special gift from his horde is in the back heel. Platypuses have poison spikes with which they can inflict an intense stinging pain on decent Christians who should happen to come near them. Like the serpent in the garden, platypusses tempt human women with their playful and comical appearance, then sting them into madness and damnation when they approach.
Platypusses are sexually depraved. Despite the fact that they are rodents, they lay eggs like a duck. Despite the fact that they’re ducks, they force their children to suckle at their teats. Only a demon could conceive of such an absurd perversity. Only a Darwinist could take pleasure in such a species.
Something must be done about this plague, and soon. I’m very sure that President Brownback will do his part to euthanize every platypus in America once he enters the White House. Meanwhile, I think President Bush should call upon the Australian government and people to render these evil litte beasts extinct as soon as humanly possible. God will not suffer men and demons to share the world for much longer.