I’m a little bit tired of having to defend Blogs 4 Brownback against endless accusations that it’s a parody site. The long and short of it is, it isn’t. Nothing said by leftist journalists or indignant trolls can alter the fact that we stand by every word we write. We believe what we say. Deal with it.
I know that the Truth is a hard thing for liberals to swallow. Being fed on a diet of lies your whole life is like eating nothing but poison and potato chips until you hit 30. Your body, mind, and soul are incredibly warped, and it could take years for them to adjust to a healthier lifestyle.
I just wanted you to know that your views and opinions sound equally warped to me. Here is my impression of a typical leftist poster on this blog. It’s no one in particular, just my compilation “parody” take on the amalgamation of deviant positions you people espouse:
Hello, I seem to be having some sort of problem. You see, I’m a typical liberal American. I enjoy Satan-worshipping, flag-burning, child molesting, and church-window-breaking as much as the next liberal. But lately, I’ve begun to question my relationship with my significant others. Let me tell you the story.
The other night, after saying our prayers to Satan and burning incense and kitten corpses wrapped in opium-drenched American flags, I was fornicating as usual with my boyfriend, girlfriend, and dogfriend. The fornication was very nice, and I was pleased to note that I could almost hear Jesus crying as He watched us frolic and desecrate our bodies in unnatural sexual acts so heinous that not even Satan himself could have conceived of them. So it was a typical night so far, really.
The problem arose during a lull in our unspeakable sodomies. We decided to enhance our sinning experience by taking highly illegal drugs, in order to make ourselves “high” so that the next session of fornication could attain even deeper levels of vileness and depravity. My boyfriend and girlfriend each had many different pills of numerous shapes and sizes and colors, and my natural instinct was to consume them all, since secularism is colorblind and one of a thing is as good as another. But my boyfriend and girlfriend became quite indignant when I tried to eat these red pills. “Don’t take those,” they said. “They’ll knock you out, and then we won’t be able to keep defiling our bodies with you.”
Now, I can appreciate the need for a good round of fornication as well as the next liberal. After all, trying to kill God and destroy the United States are part of our very essence, and unnatural sexual congress is an integral part of our long-term strategy in achieving those goals. But what I didn’t like was that my partners insisted that I only take the small blue pills. That struck me as incredibly racist, and completely contrary to the affirmative action policies every good liberal should espouse to the utter detriment of society as a whole.
I’ve come to think that my boyfriend, girlfriend, and dogfriend are actually concealing latent conservative tendencies. Their racism must not go unpunished. I have already written to Osama Bin Laden for instructions on the matter. He advised me to kill them and burn their corpses on a bonfire. I think I will do just that. Then Osama will reward my faithful service when he conquers this weak, Christian nation by giving me numerous Christian slaves to molest and corrupt and turn aside from the ways of God and toward the path of Satan. Fundamentally, secularism and Islam are the same. We both want to tell Americans that their way of life is degenerate and evil, and we both want to enslave them and force them to do our bidding. I think Osama and I see eye to eye on the issues that really matter, like destroying America and forcing everyone in Texas to worship at the altar of Beelzebub.
Thank Satan (through his trusted medium of conversion, rap music) for people like me, otherwise America might remain a Christian nation and derive strength from Jesus Christ in its holy quest to make the peoples of the world turn aside from secularism and toward decency, virtue, and other words I despise. Thank God that soon all such people will convert under our torments or be crucified and die. We shall inherit the Earth, and sing Kumbaya with the Islamists all day and all night long.
That is what a parody looks like, liberals. And it’s only funny because it hits so close to home, to what you people really think and feel.
This blog is not a parody. You are.