I apologize for the sparsity of recent postings. I had every intention of writing 2 or 3 posts today, but malicious factors have intervened.
I’ve come down with some sort of cold or flu, or some other infestation of demons that manifests itself with cold or flu-like symptoms. I’ve slept all day, but that hasn’t helped. Neither chicken noodle soup nor cranberry juice, not even incessant prayer and readings of the Bible, has cast this illness out of my body.
My wife thinks it’s because I work too much. She tells me I need to stop working all weekend long, and need to get some rest, particularly on the Sabbath. She says that my work schedule is going to kill me. A good-hearted woman, but as gullible and prone to weakness as Eve herself. The fact of the matter is that nothing can kill me, so long as God is with me.
I’m not sure why God has permitted Satan to do this to me now, though. My first thought was that, like Job, I have arrogantly chosen to question God’s willingness to punish me, thereby meriting the punishment itself. But then I thought that I am unlike Job. I have many, many sins. And because the demons are rattling at the bars of my corporeal cage, I shall now share the most important of them with you.
My most important, and worst, sin, is the aforementioned skipping of the Sabbath. That is inexcusable, and I try to get the day off but my atheist bosses won’t permit it. “We need you on Sunday, Sisyphus,” they say. “Worship your imaginary deity on your own time.” I tell them that they’ll answer for their blasphemies on the day when tongues of fire scorch the flesh from their bones, of course, but they pay no attention to me. God is right to punish me for working with such people, of course, but I have no choice. I live in New England, the economy is atrocious, and my wife can only make a pittance knitting in the garage when she’s not performing her household chores and basic womanly duties. Work for her is out of the question, of course. A decent Christian American woman should not contemplate the ways of folly. Contemplate it she does, though, and perhaps God is punishing me for allowing my wife to speak out of turn on such matters.
Perhaps, though, God is merely chastising my lack of assistance to the Brownback campaign. Brownback is the only candidate who can save America’s soul. To assist him in his Presidential campaign is the height of Christian service; to ignore his campaign, or to show inconsistent fervor or inadequate ideological fortitude in support of it, is tantamount to Satanism. And you can all see for yourselves that I haven’t been helping Senator Brownback out as much recently as I have in months past.
My sins are ever before me. And now, they are before you all. I shall attempt to atone for them, but first I must purge the demons from the temple of my body. If prayer and soup don’t work, perhaps fasting will. I think I shall try fasting next.
Please pray for me, and for all Christians whose bodies are ravaged by the demons to whom their sins have entrusted the keys to their corporealities.