Blogs 4 Brownback

October 8, 2007

God Is Punishing Me

SickI apologize for the sparsity of recent postings. I had every intention of writing 2 or 3 posts today, but malicious factors have intervened.

I’ve come down with some sort of cold or flu, or some other infestation of demons that manifests itself with cold or flu-like symptoms. I’ve slept all day, but that hasn’t helped. Neither chicken noodle soup nor cranberry juice, not even incessant prayer and readings of the Bible, has cast this illness out of my body.

My wife thinks it’s because I work too much. She tells me I need to stop working all weekend long, and need to get some rest, particularly on the Sabbath. She says that my work schedule is going to kill me. A good-hearted woman, but as gullible and prone to weakness as Eve herself. The fact of the matter is that nothing can kill me, so long as God is with me.

I’m not sure why God has permitted Satan to do this to me now, though. My first thought was that, like Job, I have arrogantly chosen to question God’s willingness to punish me, thereby meriting the punishment itself. But then I thought that I am unlike Job. I have many, many sins. And because the demons are rattling at the bars of my corporeal cage, I shall now share the most important of them with you.

My most important, and worst, sin, is the aforementioned skipping of the Sabbath. That is inexcusable, and I try to get the day off but my atheist bosses won’t permit it. “We need you on Sunday, Sisyphus,” they say. “Worship your imaginary deity on your own time.” I tell them that they’ll answer for their blasphemies on the day when tongues of fire scorch the flesh from their bones, of course, but they pay no attention to me. God is right to punish me for working with such people, of course, but I have no choice. I live in New England, the economy is atrocious, and my wife can only make a pittance knitting in the garage when she’s not performing her household chores and basic womanly duties. Work for her is out of the question, of course. A decent Christian American woman should not contemplate the ways of folly. Contemplate it she does, though, and perhaps God is punishing me for allowing my wife to speak out of turn on such matters.

Perhaps, though, God is merely chastising my lack of assistance to the Brownback campaign. Brownback is the only candidate who can save America’s soul. To assist him in his Presidential campaign is the height of Christian service; to ignore his campaign, or to show inconsistent fervor or inadequate ideological fortitude in support of it, is tantamount to Satanism. And you can all see for yourselves that I haven’t been helping Senator Brownback out as much recently as I have in months past.

My sins are ever before me. And now, they are before you all. I shall attempt to atone for them, but first I must purge the demons from the temple of my body. If prayer and soup don’t work, perhaps fasting will. I think I shall try fasting next.

Please pray for me, and for all Christians whose bodies are ravaged by the demons to whom their sins have entrusted the keys to their corporealities.

15 Comments »

  1. I’m praying you get well soon. People really don’t like my blog posts. I don’t know why, but you’re more popular with the kids today.

    Take care, and we’ll be waiting breathlessly for your next post. We could sorely use the wisdom that you never fail to impart.

    Dear readers, please be serious for a minute and show Sisyphus how much he means to all of us out here in cyberland.

    Comment by Psycheout — October 8, 2007 @ 10:15 pm | Reply

  2. I hope it is not because the Lord has decided to REJECT your offering and condem you to a nasty short brutish life followed by an eternity of torment.

    “And in the process of time it came to pass that Sissy-Puss brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the Lord. Psychie also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of their fat. And the Lord respected Psychie and his offering but He did not respect Sissy-Puss and his offering. And Sissy-Puss was very angry, and his countenance fell “(Genesis 4:4,5).

    so it came to pass that Sissy-Puss had a plan.

    “Now Sissy-Puss said to his brother Phychie, “Let’s go out to the tavern.” And while they were in the tavern, drinking bottled spirits, Sissy-Puss attacked his brother Physchie and killed him.”—Genesis 4:3-8

    and what will your punishment be?

    S”o now you are cursed from the earth, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you till the ground it shall no longer yield its strength to you. A fugitive and a vagabond you shall be on the earth” (Genesis 4:11,12).

    sort of living like those guys in the subway at 42 street…..

    yuk! well I guess all I can do is praise the Lord for his thoughtfullness when this comes to pass.

    Comment by Happy Clam — October 8, 2007 @ 11:12 pm | Reply

  3. Sissyphus, your tale of Godly suffering has moved my heart.

    If anything this shows the danger of allowing atheists to have any positions of responsibility. You are a victim of anti Christian pesecution, but please do not give up:

    Jesus is with you. All this suffering is for a purpose!

    Comment by Tristan J. Shuddery — October 9, 2007 @ 3:25 am | Reply

  4. “I’m praying you get well soon. People really don’t like my blog posts. I don’t know why, but you’re more popular with the kids today.”

    Nonsense! Your anime post generated tremendous response, much of it from the God-fearing.

    “I hope it is not because the Lord has decided to REJECT your offering and condem you to a nasty short brutish life followed by an eternity of torment.”

    What gives, Happy Clam? I thought we were friends!

    “If anything this shows the danger of allowing atheists to have any positions of responsibility. You are a victim of anti Christian pesecution, but please do not give up:

    Jesus is with you. All this suffering is for a purpose!”

    Praise Jesus!

    The demons have begun to flee me. My body is much stronger today than yesterday. A few hard-liners linger within me, and will undoubtedly stay for the next 4-7 days, but after that I shall be well again. God has tested me in my time of weakness, and now He has cured me.

    God be praised!

    [Ed Note: I knew you’d prevail!]

    Comment by Sisyphus — October 9, 2007 @ 5:07 am | Reply

  5. The Good Sheperd will care for each and every menber of His flock.

    Comment by dadaclu — October 9, 2007 @ 7:10 am | Reply

  6. “Neither chicken noodle soup nor cranberry juice…has cast this illness out of my body.

    I hope you realize that nowhere does the Bible state that chicken soup or cranberry juice are Biblically Accepted illness cures. Your unquestioning acceptance of these modern medical techniques make me wonder whether you’ve been corrupted by the liberal demons.

    You really should just lay in bed and pray–and do nothing but pray–until God removes the illness from your body, if he chooses to do so at all.

    Comment by Fascinated and Confused — October 9, 2007 @ 7:30 am | Reply

  7. “What gives, Happy Clam? I thought we were friends!”

    We were Sissy-Puss, we were. But what if GOD has infested you with demons and has rejected your offering?

    Do you have any unsightly marks on your body?

    Did you recently start growing a black patch?

    I will pray for a sign of whether you have been damned or not. Just getting better is not a complete proof.

    Comment by Happy Clam — October 9, 2007 @ 9:19 am | Reply

  8. As I said, Jesus hates you. Voting against war is the best redemption in the eyes of the Lord and best way to save your soul.

    Comment by spacebrother — October 9, 2007 @ 5:11 pm | Reply

  9. Firstly you are a fool. Your purpose as a papa-pope-patron-and all these words mean father and a father is not a slave nor is he supposed to be a perpetual provider..your job is to PROTECT..much the way a male lion protects – he does not hunt..nor does he do anything but sun himself and wait for the food and the opportunity to breed.

    The WORLD has you convinced that a good man toils all day long..and every single day..doing work that he is not designed for..indirectly and directly enriching wicked men that you call boss..that is your sinisterism..that is your sin..you serve man – and you are supposed to serve your self first – Christianity is king ship..you watch over those less aware…frankly you are a sucker..and do not blame the demons or the devil or God..blame yourself for your cowardice and lack of faith in your real purpose.

    You work non stop so you don’t have to think – so in effect you believe it you please the MAN the man will show mercey and harrassment will stop..you are still harrassed – there is no pleasing the system it is beastly..you must focus..and be brave – the only time cells devide and heal is when you are at rest – healing takes place when you sleep..and you do not put your trust in God..or do you nestle in the arms of the angels at night..Rest for God’s sake and your own – what good is a dead man – what good does it do you if you gain the whole world and lose your mortal soul (body) – so I rebuke you -and correct you – get in bed and stay there for a month and enjoy yourself…take a bottle of vodka with you if neccesary…eat – and drink – and hydrate yourself – and maybe make love and have a nap – be human – you are not a machine – human machines belong to the incorporated beast – and do you after all your effort want to be the property of some stupid evil beast? I believe not – now you are healed…and don’t fall down again you prideful hard working asshole..

    Comment by rogerx26 — October 10, 2007 @ 5:52 pm | Reply

  10. The fact of the matter is that nothing can kill me, so long as God is with me.

    Would you mind someone trying with a 9mm bullet?🙂

    And thanks showing that your “forgiving” god is even a total ***hole in your own description.

    Comment by PG — October 14, 2007 @ 10:53 am | Reply

  11. “my wife can only make a pittance knitting in the garage when she’s not performing her household chores and basic womanly duties. Work for her is out of the question, of course. A decent Christian American woman should not contemplate the ways of folly.”

    Folly = refusing to get a JOB when your husband is too ill to work. Work is not heresy, otherwise MEN WOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO DO IT EITHER. Stop being such a chauvinist.

    Hope you get well soon so your wife never has to take any kind of financial responsibility…

    Comment by Confused — October 20, 2007 @ 1:02 am | Reply

  12. Also, I love how you insist that your illness was punishment for working on the Sabbath. I seem to remember a guy who worked on the Sabbath quite a lot…let’s see…I believe his name was Jesus.

    Comment by Confused — October 20, 2007 @ 2:17 pm | Reply

  13. Well, at least your body is sound. Get well soon!

    Comment by a TRUE Christian — October 21, 2007 @ 7:40 am | Reply

  14. puke yer guts out, or try a feather

    Comment by jim — October 23, 2007 @ 7:52 pm | Reply

  15. SCIENCE LESSON! 8D
    News: your thinking manages to date back thousands of years. I’m sure that God REALLY cares about how much you’re supporting your candidate. Does he give you the ‘flu when you forget to put out the Christmas decorations, too?

    Comment by Bob — November 25, 2007 @ 12:02 pm | Reply


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