I had an unpleasant thought recently. Everyone knows that the Rapture is coming soon, and that all decent and patriotic Republican Americans will ascend into Heaven bodily amid choruses of angels and cherubs, leaving moonbats, treefrogs, Helioleftists, atheists, and demons in temporary custody of the Earth. Soon, we shall return to reclaim the world, and the sinners shall be cast into a lake of fire for all eternity.
All well and good. But the thought that troubled me pertained to the United States Constitution. This physical document is a shrine to the finest and most Christian instincts of mankind. It lays down the law for God’s footstool, the United States of America. As such, it is a sacred document, almost on par with the Holy Grail or fragments of the True Cross.
It troubles my heart to think that this document might be left behind amidst the heathens, Satanists, and liberals who will misinterpret it- or, worse yet, allow some scumbag to use it in an anti-American flag-burning rally.
Even if God does send His angels to swoop the Constitution up, we must still bear in mind that the ideals it represents will be distorted and destroyed by the new, all-treefrog Supreme Court that the Democrats will appoint once they find themselves temporarily representing 100% of Americans.
That, alone, is nearly enough to unman me. I know the Satanists must control the world, but I wish God could just cast them into a lake of fire simultaneously with the Rapture. These are sinful thoughts on my part, of course, but my hope is that God and all right-thinking Christian Americans know that they come from a heart in the right place.
I do hope Brownback is President during the Rapture. That way, after our return to Earth he can be our President forever. (Bush is an excellent President too, of course, but Brownback will be even better.) Anyway, God’s will be done on the matter. And may God bless these United States!