An observant reader has sent me an email, warning us all of the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. I have never heard of this substance before, but it sounds quite horrendous:
Dear Mr. Sisyphus,
I am a proud Brownback supporter and I believe that we need to take America back from the Godless Pinko Commies in Washington. Together with the Mainstream Media, they have tried to strengthen their sinister grip on our American heartland.
I’m writing to inform you about a danger that the Scientific Moonbats are not telling us about: The dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide.
The following are some facts you should know
I hope when Senator Brownback is elected to office he will ban this Liberal taint on our great nation.
Henry Theodore Smith
What is Dihydrogen Monoxide?
Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the unstable radical Hydroxide, the components of which are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.
What are some of the dangers associated with DHMO?
Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:
Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
Contributes to soil erosion.
Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.
What are some uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide?
Despite the known dangers of DHMO, it continues to be used daily by industry, government, and even in private homes across the U.S. and worldwide! Some of the well-known uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:
as an industrial solvent and coolant,
in nuclear power plants,
by the U.S. Navy in the propulsion systems of some older vessels,
by elite athletes to improve performance,
in the production of Styrofoam,
in biological and chemical weapons manufacture,
in the development of genetically engineering crops and animals,
as a spray-on fire suppressant and retardant,
in so-called “family planning” or “reproductive health” clinics,
as a major ingredient in many home-brewed bombs,
as a byproduct of hydrocarbon combustion in furnaces and air conditioning compressor operation,
in cult rituals,
by the Church of Scientology on their members and their members’ families (although surprisingly, many members recently have contacted DHMO.org to vehemently deny such use),
by both the KKK and the NAACP during rallies and marches,
by members of Congress who are under investigation for financial corruption and inappropriate IM behavior,
by the clientele at a number of bath houses in New York City and San Francisco,
historically, in Hitler’s death camps in Nazi Germany, and in prisons in Turkey, Serbia, Croatia, Libya, Iraq and Iran,
in World War II prison camps in Japan, and in prisons in China, for various forms of torture,
during many recent religious and ethnic wars in the Middle East,
by many terrorist organizations including al Quaeda,
in community swimming pools to maintain chemical balance,
by software engineers, including those producing DICOM software SDKs,
in animal research laboratories, and
in pesticide production and distribution.
What you may find surprising are some of the products and places where DHMO is used, but which for one reason or another, are not normally made part of public presentations on the dangers to the lives of our family members and friends. Among these startling uses are:
in cough medicines and other liquid pharmaceuticals,
in spray-on oven cleaners,
in shampoos, shaving creams, deodorants and numerous other bathroom products,
in bathtub bubble products marketed to children,
as a preservative in grocery store fresh produce sections,
in the production of beer by all the major beer distributors,
in the coffee available at major coffee houses in the US and abroad,
in Formula One race cars, although its use is regulated by the Formula One racing Commission.
One of the most surprising facts recently revealed about Dihydrogen Monoxide contamination is in its use as a food and produce “decontaminant.” Studies have shown that even after careful washing, food and produce that has been contaminated by DHMO remains tainted by DHMO.
I’m not sure if this substance is as bad as it’s made out to be. If banning it will hurt American business and industry, I think cost-benefit studies and risk-reduction alternatives need to be discussed. It does sound pretty awful, though, and if leftists use it in their ceremonies I instinctively distrust it.
In any event, I think we need a national dialogue on the stuff. I’m sure Senator Brownback would agree. I think writing your Congressmen and asking them to open hearings on the hydrogen demonoxide (or whatever it’s called) problem is a reasonable step for the time being. No one wants Americans getting poisoned, but no one (except Communists and Islamists) wants America’s economy to fail, either. Beginning a national dialogue on a national issue is the least we can do.
UPDATE: Apparently, hydrogen demonoxide is the scientific name for water. Ha ha, jokers. This does go to show how much contempt men of “science” have for God, though. Why else would they name water after demons?