Little Justin got up and told his 4th-grade classmates that his father was an exotic dancer who “danced in a gay bar where he’d strip and men would stick money into his underwear.”
His teacher pulled him aside and asked him if that were really true. “No, teacher,” he said. “Dad really works for the DNC and is working to help elect Hillary Clinton President, but I was too embarassed to tell ‘em that!”
Thanks to ConservativeDan via email.
Scene: an international medical convention. Several doctors are involved in an intense discussion.
The Japanese doctor boasts, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks.”
“That’s nothing,” the German doctor retorts. “We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.”
“Well, in my country,” interjects the British doctor, “medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.”
The American doctor, not to be outdone, exclaims: “You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work.”
Take that, Hillary Clinton!
Hat Tip: AntiHill via email.
Sometimes the daily news and politics can get one down. And that’s not good. Once in awhile we need to clear our minds and pep things up with some good old fashioned belly laughs. And I have found by far the funniest thing ever written, bar none. This will really cheer you folks up and banish those Tuesday blues. I guarantee it.
CAUTION: Be sure you’re not drinking anything or it’ll end up all over your monitor and keyboard or spraying out your nose. You have been warned.
So without further ado, I give you Town Hall’s very own Mary Grabar (or is it Clown Hall?), who does some spectacular standup.
Osama bin Laden was cornered by U.S. forces in his cave. He was reported to have been surrounded by 17 virgins whom he blew up along with himself, while shouting “Allahu, Akbar!”
In response, massive rallies were held in Washington.
Oh, mercy me! But there’s more!
In front of the Capitol, Cindy Sheehan addressed the crowd through a megaphone: “Did we really need over 3,000 deaths to make this happen? We could have sent cupcakes with sprinkles over to show our goodwill. Who knows? Osama could still be alive. We know that bullies are bullies because they haven’t been shown enough love. WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER!”
The ACLU sent a statement about the U.S. government’s lack of due process.
Oh, snap! I think I just broke my funny bone! I may never laugh so hard again. This woman is brilliant!
An effigy of General Petreaus was burned by protestors who wore Islamic garb and prisoner garb in sympathy with their brethren while singing, “We are the world.”
So true!
One young woman carrying a sign that read, “Bombs can kill terrorists, but only love can kill terrorism,” said, “Well, so what? They’ve captured one man. So does this mean the end to terrorism?”
Sounds like someone I know!
” Yeah,” said her companion, a young man in dreadlocks, “I mean, this is only one guy. So he’s made some bad choices. Is that any reason to put his body on national television? I mean, he has a right to privacy too, man.”
Bwahahahaha!
A bearded man in a purple sequined tutu then jumped in: “Yeah, and at what expense? We’ve lost all our civil liberties. Bob and I can’t even get married.”
Oh noes!
A sixty-ish grizzled man in a tie-dye t-shirt waved his fists and shouted, “We ended the Vietnam War and we will end this one too!”
No blood for oil!
I feel so much better now! That was too much. Go read the whole thing, if you need more. But I’m not responsible if your sides split.
Now go take on the day.
– Psycheout
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